(This is a side story from my previous post telling how I went my own way)

It was my 24th aniversary. It was a sunny day in July and I was happy about it, but not like I used to. From a long time I've been noticing something was off, maybe it was just my mind and I needed to take a few days off from studies and so I did. I spent 7 days doing things I wasn't doing for a long time, I went jogging, played video games, watched all the Marvel movies in the correct order and I felt quite relaxed.

After that week a started studying again, but I felt my energy low, I didn't know what it was... I struggled to watch 2,5 hour class and was missing lots of exercises I was doing from the topics I studied. I tried to simulate a 120 questions challenge and I felt like I've never been studying those topics for the past 3 years. Actually I realised half of the year was gone and I was at low energy all this time... I asked myself: Why? I chose this path and that's my ultimate goal in my life, why am I so weak and without energy to achieve it?

From nowhere (or maybe my subconcious was already working in the background) I simply realised I never new how to live for myself. My whole life I just did what people have told me to do, how to treat girls, how to act as a man, go to school, go to college, get a girlfriend, you need to get a job, you need to have sex, how is school? how is college? When will you finish it?... I realised my life wasn't mine... I looked myself at the mirror and I couldn't reecognize my face, I asked myself questions that I couldn't find an answer. Who am I? What is my purpose? What do I want to be? What do I like to do?

I started to become anxious and sweat for not being able to find an answer to any of these questions and then came the definitive ones: Have I been on stand by all this long? If so, who was in control? The answer: Everyone else but me. I'm not sure how it happened, when it happened or who did it, but it looks like I was hypnotized to follow someone's orders. That's why I couldn't find motivation to do my own studies, I've been living my whole life being told by a certain group of people things i should do and I did bcoz I thought they wanted the best for me and now that I'm pursuing my dreams the same people are telling my to give up or that I won't succeed.

Now I simply can't see things as they were, all I see is people attached to strings like puppets playing roles in a giant theatre, but I can't see who is in control and I can't see the audience, their faces are blurred but I pretend to play by the rules so nobody knows I'm out of control, at least until I know my true purpose.

I know what I have to do for now, my plan is set and I know I have to fight everyone that tries to stop me from achieving my goals, but I was so trained like a dog that I feel my brain sabotaging me and making me fail with that task. I was trained to me obedient, serve and comply but some glitch in the system made me wake from this dream I was in and regain control over my body.

My goal is still the same "the ultimate freedom", but it is on delay, because now my main objective is to find answers to all those questions I'm making to myself and reset my brain in order to find my true potential, become ruthless and merceless against everyone who comes in my way to try to defeat me and finally be able to change my life and my reality and be trully happy.

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Be careful, because once you wake up, you can't fit in the system anymore. Your life changed forever. Once you took the red pill, you became something else. I don't know what that is and I may not be alive to see the final result of our choices, but I'm sure we're the first blows of the wind of change.

-MGTOW