This is a long one .

First off I know I’m stupid and idealistically naive. I was anyway. So, where I lost faith in women was taking a walk in the shoes of ‘being the other man’. I’m not proud to admit that I was the other man in a two year affair my woman had on her 16 year common law partner. I had often begged her to leave him, saying I didn’t want to be with her under these circumstances... she didn’t leave for two years. I married her 3 months before she left her common law guy. I spent $9k on rings. Bought a $500k home with her and when I asked to have some cleanliness and better behaviour from their kids I was told I was a problem and needed to be moving out 4-1/2 months after buying a house with her. I left for over a year, let my guard down again just over a year later. Moved back in for 5 months. The moment she uttered ‘you’re going to take a vacation with us or you can find somewhere else to live’ I snapped at having my home and place I lay my head, what should be a sanctuary.... Threatened again in a new and different relationship. Deja vu. (AWALT)

between first marriage and second marriage I was walking on eggshells to stay living where I was. Tolerating shit I shouldn’t. Apologizing where I shouldn’t have to, to Make peace and reduce my suffering.

This depression from two failed attempts at a blended family, and my having been divorced prior, from a manipulative psycho who threatened me many times even with lies. “I’ll call the cops” “I haven’t done anything wrong” “That’s not what I’ll tell them...”

That was marriage number one in a nutshell. Marriage two, result of this affair... I was dumb enough to A) put a ring in it B) like a simp watch her go back to living with her common law spouse again another 3 months, C) put my name on a joint bank account and mortgage...

I got married 5 months after getting divorced. I’m stupid, I know. I just wanted and believed in the lie of ‘love’. Which means I do everything she wants and have no say over what she does. I’m awake now prepping for divorce number 2.

Does anyone know if her having stayed living in a common law relationship for a quarter of a year after we married be some grounds for an annulment? She won’t let me off the bank account and is asking me to file for divorce, which I can’t afford any longer. Saddled with debt and making $35k a year. She makes $90k+ still but says she refuses to pay for it as she was ‘tricked into’ something. Funny I thought it was the other way around. I could have hit that shit and left it and I’d have been way better off. Did I trick her causing a rift between me and her ex, Trick her locking into marriage which is a losing battle for men, period. thousands of dollars on jewelry, furniture, and tolerating shit from her kids? Right, I’m the trickster.

The affair wrecked me. I never thought I’d be so horrible a person to partake in that. I violated my own beliefs and principles on monogamy, morality and ethics around that. What was even scarier was how many people knew about us. Family, friends, all keeping her secret. Must have been about 12 of them in on it. Of course the ex had to be villain-ized so she was justified right? Crazy to think your woman is cheating on you, but siblings, parents, friends all keep quiet.

I lost faith in monogamy. I had an inside look at the side of the coin that I likely used to be on the other side of.

Plot twist, she was my girlfriend when I was 16-18 or 19 years old, moved out with my former best friend and had 3 kids with him over the next 15-17 or so years. They never married.

Now I am again, 6 years later poised for a bitter divorce again. After being part of the affair, my mental health declined, I became very depressed, anxious and hopeless, I worried constantly about her stepping out on me. (I did find her signed up on match.com which she claimed a friend did on her behalf after we fought for a week). I couldn’t function at work anymore and resigned from my $80k/year + bonuses career for mental health reasons. I’ve had to sell off almost everything I own. I now make $35k a year with the same debt as a guy who made $80k. Living pay check to pay check is an understatement. I’m broke. I’m nothing.

I’ve slipped into almost a complete apathy, anomie and care very little about my own well being or happiness. I’m certain that if I can’t get this annulled, if I get put through the ringer again paying child support again for someone else’s kids... I may just take my life, to protest, and to raise awareness of men being manipulated and treated like stepping stones. By women and our governments. We’re Given all the responsibility and financial burden of being in a family , being a ‘Man’ with none of the control or say.

If you see a guy who wrote a note, detailing his pain then sitting cross legged and pouring gas over his head and setting himself ablaze in front of the courts in the news.... that’s probably me. I shall silently protest... (Well certain there will be some sizzling) I will raise awareness for other men, and society as a whole. But hopefully any young men who think getting married, or raising other men’s kids can’t be detrimental to their mental health... or their physical life itself they have another thing coming.

So, does someone being in a legally recognized common law relationship null and void a legal marriage ceremony? Can I undo? Or am I headed for further hell on earth?

I simply don’t care, and I will take myself out of this insane game before I’ll be coerced or legally obligated to pay a woman who used me for sex and a stepping stone away from her ex and once in a house tossed me out.

There is, for this subsistence of life, for this jadedness... for this indifference and nihilistic look on life, that I had a faith that came and went, in God as silly as that one is too. I’m now as atheistic as you can get. This is random chaos. I’m a domestic horse gone wild, and no ‘trainer’ will break me again. I’m not your bitch ladies, and many men are waking up and see how this game works. Reading the rules and opting out before rolling the dice.

I will not pay. Garnish if you like and you’ll find instead of me a pile of ashes. Life has become meaningless, but the last bit of meaning I’ll assign is stubborn, fierce, unwavering rebellion even if it means my life.

Men, PLEASE don’t marry. It’s not worth it. I’m forty. If I knew then at 20 what I know now, life would have been great. Alas, 20 years of taking shit for a woman, I now deem my life worthless. Maybe that in itself is reason enough I don’t deserve to be here. But I also never asked to be here. Heed my word, brethren. The first time I had a friend and a girl step out on me I was 13 or 14. Again at 16 or 17. And again at 19. You’d think I’d have learned. The young are hopeful. Too much so.

As a result I trust neither friends nor women. It’s been a lonely life except for music/guitars. “The meaning of life is literally whatever you’re doing that prevents you from killing yourself” - Albert Camus.

Anyway, thanks for reading I’m in Canada if anyone can answer my legal question around annulment.