Nihilism is knocking the door. For a man who until recently had the guide of religion, morality, purpose of life, this is a little scary. There's a threat of suicide if one succumbs to the depression arising outta the meaningless existence.

It equally makes sense to choose between minimalism and hedonism and swing between them on whims and fancies. And that has been pretty much what I am post GMOW.

For the man in the plantation, it (=meaning) is easy- just watch the movie 'wakefield'. Getting stuck in the routines, too busy to even think about the larger picture, the slave has only one purpose: to accumulate $$$ so that the consumerist/gynocentric overlords are never left wanting for cash for their mindless dopamine high. Work is his cope. Work is his escapism, albeit temporarily for certain hours of the day.

You know what? Jordan Peterson is right. He is right in explaining why/what I am feeling right now; except that his solution isn't very novel- to man up and marry, raise kids. Back to square one, innit.

Those mgtow monks we revere, Newton and Tesla- had a certain quest in their lives to keep them engaged. It's difficult for the normal joe like me who were rudely awakened from their blue pill dreams(no, I am not regretting that!). To wish for a relationship after walking this far reminds me of this quote:

“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.”

― Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Now that I have more time in my hands- reading and gardening keeps me occupied. There's certainly travel on the cards, but I don't want to do it the tourist trap way. Learning/witnessing different cultures and cuisines sounds an exciting thing to do; but that would cost some fortune and since I had invested in real estate, there is a hesitation to liquidate an appreciating asset. Maybe when I feel I will be too old to do it, I will get that 'go ahead' from within to do it.

Blue pill music and other romance stuff in fiction is getting annoying; to enjoy something while also knowing that it's all a figment of imagination is making me question the integrity of the self. Edmond Dantes (the count of monte cristo) could have lived a happy life with Haydee without all the drama; what purpose did his seeking revenge served?

This is not just a fictional question; this is the same argument I have with myself whether to seethe with anger and wanting revenge on woman to suffer for their bad choices ( enjoying traditional benefits without remorse while also demanding equality) or to be content that the realization of red pill truths are the greatest treasure and to lead a life of calmness and tranquility is content enough?

The slave escaped the plantation; there's still fresh memory of all the suffering. All he knows now is he has to run from somewhere. For running is freedom.

We are sailing in those uncharted waters; there's a proportionate mix of fear and excitement looking forward.

Thanks for reading.