I have a pit in my stomach.... I don't know where I should go from here. Background I served 5 years active duty in the navy and was going to go to the merchant marines when I got out. I was dating the mother of my child for a few years when she got pregnant with my son right before I was going to get out. We loved each other once and decided to go for it.

I didn't have much money saved when I got out so I went fishing for a few months and got home before my son was born. I was the stay at home dad and she was and is active duty navy. Fast forward a year before we were supposed to move to San Diego for her new duty station she discloses to me she was in love with her married co worker and had been seeing him for 7 months, and basically to figure it out. She ran off with the furniture I bought, ran my car into the ground before she got her own literally a week after she tells me this and gave me a month to figure out how the fuck I'm going to start my life over dealing with all the emotional fallout and depression that followed, this was early 2018.

I went home and worked warehouses for 2 years, did some school but was dealing with alot of depression and self worth issues stemming from this event, we do 50/50 with our son and that's been what we have doing, I went to a lawyer and got a joint custody agreement until he is school age. But I regret much.... I worked so hard to basically tread water with bills and everything else, I was in debt from being a stay at home dad (while she saved all her money for her new life).

These regrets have followed me for years, I messed with stupid women that caused more problems to fill a void, I bought a new car in 18 that I almost own now but I could have gotten a cheap cash car, the drugs, drinking are all things that I've actively been working to keep out of my life but I know I could be so much farther if I just stayed the course.

Little more recently last year I got in line for a promotion at my warehouse to be a supervisor but the navy reserves mobilized me out to virgina. I payed off most of my debts, starting investing some, saving for retirement and working out while being a dad. I just fear that the mother who hates me and has done nothing but soak up our son's benifits her being in the navy will have the final say in where my son will live when he's school age, she has years of free government money saved from her being on shore duty and just had another kid with the guy she cheated on me with so she's back in shore duty again.

I'm getting my MMC in the next few months and when my son goes..... I just wanna stay out at sea for a year, why am I fighting against a system that hates men? Why have I had to spend all the money on legal fees just to have half the year with my son? She doesn't pay child support, she kept his taxes two years in a row while I'm doing everything myself..... It's pointless to fight to me. I wanna just save up enough to get a house and figure it out from there.

But what if I lose custody of my son? How will I live with myself knowing I did my best and still lost? I feel I never make the right decision and I just wanna let go of that fear. I'm sorry if this is kinda ranty I just need some guidance from some wiser men. Tell me I'm heading in the right path?