I'll never feel the way I did before, which is blindly / childishly in love, but she was the wrong person. Of course, it's all my ego and delusions to think women would ever act righteously in life, but when I see people my age or younger getting married or having a family, the only solace I get from never having achieved that with the one woman I was so madly in love with, are the black pills of truth that there are no perfect relationships and most people are simply in the throes of new infatuation. Love is just this impermanent attachment to someone for the chemical con job of reproducing. I'm starting to accept that not only am incapable of loving like that ever again, I'll most likely end up alone. I guess it's time to get a dog or become obsessed with something like chess.