Or an example on how you can have a mess up life and recover from it.

I think I made mistakes from the start of my life in a lot of domain related to the subject of being a Man (and this is the reason I post here). I hope you will learn from it as well as me. Because it was a hard earned lesson. I excuse in advance if the ton might deplease you, I write as if I told to my younger self. I know most of you had already learned much more from life than me.

Here is my experience.

  1. CHILDHOOD I've always been kind of retard on social relations. Very clever on logic, but difficulty to understand social norms, introvert, seemed freak to others, and integrate.

Camarads thought I was autistic or sociopath. Rubbish.

LEARN THIS, lots of things are burden until you transform it in a gift. The common saying « what doesn't kill you make you stronger » is a lie. Things can destroy you, but you have the potential to transform it in a force, it is not automatic !

Rationality was my trait over feelings. It has been a burden, I was mocked, reject, it was my burden, but now it's my gift. Don't be jealous of others. It's not the cards, but what you're making of it. You don't have the same cards or traits as me, but you all have the potential to get the better of yourself and be formidable.

  1. ADOLESCENCE Ahh, this nice time where you begin to desire girls and their beauty... and learn the meaning of rejection. Both by alpha guys and by girls. It droves me to depression. I wanted to conform, be accepted, and that was even worst.

LEARN THIS, you have no personality in living through the other's eyes. Be yourself, care about YOU. Forget the morality of that society, replace it by your own high values. Yes clearly, be egoist, but neither egocentric. I don't mean by that to have bad morals, but clearly the concet of bad and good is pretty biased to my point of view. I don't mean to not care about others or make no sacrifice for values or people, but to have your own strong ethic to determine you.

  1. MEETING THE GIRL I was 18. At this point, i was a big boy with no self-esteem, i hated my life. And then i met a girl and it was love. I realized i could be appreciated for what i was. And it helped me regain some self-esteem and get out of depression.

Wonderdul, no ? Yes it was, we even leave together for some and it was the best time in my life.

BEHIND THE FAIRYTAIL LIE. I learned what i will say next it in an interesting book : The Road Less Traveled. Falling in love is a physiological mecanism where you lost the frontier of yourself (you cease to be you, to become one with the loved person). It's an intense feeling, it makes you blind, designed to push you to found a family (by marriage) then ceased. It's designed to make you think it will last forever, but soom reality cruelty come back. That's there cognitive dissonance happen : you do notice the other's default, but minimize it, ignore, or think it won't last. SPOILER : it gets worst.

Did I think about how she was as depressed as me, unbalanced, very dependent, with no autonomy, unwilling to change, and so on ? Of course, falling in love is vicious, because it gives you wings. The default are minimize and quality maximized. And you're tricked by nature.

  1. ENTERING THE CULT It happened she's a jehovah witness. Studies said virgin and religious girls are less prone to divorce, that's good points. But it's not a religion, it's a cult.

So I decided to become a member, because she was worth it, she showed me so much love, including breaking the rules of her cult. I thought the good principles of that religion will garanty a successful love story. The rules then were : not seeing my loved one because i was not a member (2 years), no sex before marriage, and many other obligations that cause mental load and constant guilt. I won't extend on that large subject.

SPOILER, it was sparkles. I was not happier, the principles were not so great, etc.

WHAT HAPPENED ? In fact everyone can be subject of brainwashing, to some extent. You're mind-controlled when you begin to ignore the facts or distort them to confort a belief, an action or a thought. There are various reasons why you distort the facts : conformism, preservation, techniques of persuasion, and above all cognitive dissonance (it's linked to my point of view).

It's not only cults (all religion not concerned), it might be politics, nazism, and a lot of -ism word.

  1. MARRIAGE Finally living together. Constant dispute, scarce sex (because she had been abused, she don't appreciate it and take no initiative + religion belief sexuality must be bridled). No common point, constant disagrements. And from the beginning.

Had to take care of everything, cooking, shopping, learning her commuting to work, etc.

LEARN THIS. It's sad, cruel. But often, the flaws of you're loved one will strongly aggrave after moving in, and the quality might suffer. Don't expect any improve over time for it. It might, slowly, after the years, with luck, even if she really wants to (but first she need to realize, trust me it's already a hard part).

There are lots of explanation to the dynamics of a couple. I won't be extensive because I'm new to the MGTOW's thinking. But in my case, it was really true that even she has no self-esteem and modest, she's more egocentric that i'll ever be (never realized before a long time), and that no rational thinking can convince her of anything that might hurt her feelings.

  1. LEAVING THE CULT

Trust me or not, my subconscious knows something was wrong, even if my conscious me didn't realized. I think a conflict between conscious and subscounscious is called nevrosis. And my subscounscious told me there was a strong problem i have to deal with. How ? Through depression and other mental disturbances.

I wondered why I was disturbed, and then I realized my beliefs were not in accordance with reality, then I quit the cult (and be banned from them), after almost two years in.

HOW TO BE FREE, see the harsh reality and accept it. It's the only way. A distort vision of reality makes it only more confortable to bear. But that creates nevrosis, because you're subconscious noticed things and knows you're conscious is wrong

BE FREE ! I have no advice on how to deal with the reality. For me, leaving the cult and be able to believe, thinking and acting as I will is so valuable now. Of course there are limits to what you can do, due to society, ethics, or people. I think it's merely a question of point of view, and about mental scheme. Changing of paradigm (love, then cult) helps me break my profondly flawed mental schemes, to the cost of ones finally easier to handle (because i was not in the cult for long)

  1. TAKING THE RED PILL I've already begun to realize at this point, confronting the evidences that my wedding was a mistake. I took the red pill mostly by accident, on youtube, by discovering the red pill documentary. It was truly a discovery for me, because until there i was only seeing the top of the iceberg. I was already understanding society, morality, and common beliefs were messed up, but I didn't understood why.

Fortunatly, we don't have kids, because it would have made the situation worst. I didn't quit my wife, because I want to believe it's possible. I want to let her prove she can stop to be a burden. I don't want to break her dream. I don't want to break here. But reality is slowly coming back, to point out the sad decision i don't want to make.

It's hard, but learn this, no regret. My mistakes is what brought me here. I wouldn't be that man if i didn't endure all this crap. That you live is that forged you. Be proud of it.

  1. BE A MAN

You saw the story of someone who didn't have courage to have a will of is own. I now talk to you as a man because i decided to become one. And I wish the same for anyone. Don't be the puppet of a girl or anybody. Do things for you or the things that are meaningful to you. Nevertheless we're not meant to live as a monk (towards society and maybe girls), that doesn't meant it's a bad choice and i respect it.

For example, my older brother and I have decided to do real estate. Takes risks to get rewards. Failure is only a way to learn and progress, don't be afraid.

Pfiou, what a long post. Thank you for reading. I hope that it might be insightful for some people !

I'd be happy to know your point of view and your thoughts. It could be very interesting discussion if you disagree with some of what i said.