I come from a middle class family in a developing country. I grew up around 4 sisters and my mother. My father was not around much. All of my sisters are older than me, the eldest one being 12 years older.

As I grew up I started to notice a difference between my brought up and other boys my age. Needless to say, I was shy, timid and did not participate much in outdoor activities. Up until high school, I was happy the way things were. Or rather oblivious. I had good guy friends, who invited me to hang but my reserved upbringing always inclined me to decline as I felt bad for having fun.

Now I am not placing the blame on any one but I can not help but feel that this really messed me up. My opinions or suggestions were not given importance at home and whenever I did anything remotely manly, I was made fun of. So much so, the idea that all men are careless and are always hanging out and having fun instilled the aforementioned guilt in me. Whatever I did, I thought beforehand how would my sisters feel about it rather than how do I feel about this. Any relationship opportunity that came my way never lasted long due to this constant confusion that prevailed.

Time passed and my sisters graduated and started working. They supported my family and my education for which I am thankful, but in the process I feel I missed out on some experiences essential for my growth. There is an unspoken invisible boundary in my home which I can not cross. My father is somewhat involved now but the thing is whoever controls money, controls everything. To this day, I being the youngest have very little importance at home. This thing is further reinforced by the fact that I am a man, and my opinions do not matter as they are immature. At times I feel suffocated. I feel I can not function like a normal member of the society. Outside my home, I interact with other men with whom I have to be confident whereas at home I am emasculated pretty much everyday.

One last thing that I should mention that in my culture, moving away from home is not an option. I am 23, I am tired and I just want to change this.