It would seem over the years that the term 'nice guy' or even the image and perception of the nice guy has been tarnished thanks in large part to social media.

What I mean is that there are those that utilized the technology to expose a darker undercurrent lying at the heart of so called 'nice guys', which has translated to a greater extent to actual social interactions in the post millenial culture. People that claim to be nice guys or are even given that label tend to be nothing of the sort, because they tend to lack a few other essential qualities necessary to be gentleman.

Restraint, tact, patience, charm, civility, humility, reason, rationale, courage and kindness.

Many of these qualities intermingle, naturally.

Being tactful in a social situation is always key to understanding how to interact with people, being mindful of others and their feelings is something most 'nice guys' tend to forget as they are too wrapped up in themselves in how to use the veneer of niceness to get what they want... Usually attention. And the lack of tact like when giving compliments or trying to showcase affinity and solidarity with someone over some mutual interests is quite damaging, and the lack self awareness when confronted over their lack of tact tends to be the most telling as they tend to fall back on 'what did i say? i was just being nice'.

Exercising patience and restraint are also things most 'nice guys' tend to forget about. This ties in with the notion of rejection, and also with something that seems to be a common trait amongst millennials: a sense of entitlement. Simply being a nice person does not mean that one is automatically entitled to winning contests, getting that promotion, obtaining that dream job, or even getting the girl of your dreams. Dedication, patience, hardwork and exercising restraint in the face of hardships and rejection are beneficial elements. If something goes wrong, instead of exploding online or in public, just write out your frustration on a sheet of paper and then once you've calmed down, burn the paper as a means of letting go of the frustration, learn from the experience and move forward.

Being charming may seem like an act to showcase false bravado or even cocksure confidence that may border on arrogance, and it can be sometimes. However, the phrase 'kill them kindness' does apply in relation to being charming. Because one can be charming just by virtue of being kind, generous, thoughtful and considerate of others. Doing good just for the sake of doing good, demonstrating 'small kindnesses' can itself be charming. The problem being that most so called nice guys try to enact acts of goodness and small kindnesses in the hopes of being rewarded and end up frustrated and aggravated when they are not.

When it comes to courage, that also ties in with confidence and the ability to know when to take chances. Having the courage to approach someone you are interested in, having the courage to ask for a raise or to make suggestions based on ideas you may have even if you end up getting rejected, at least you did try and know how to handle rejection. Which also ties in to humility and civility. It's ok to be confident in one's abilities, but that must also be tempered with humility, as well as the knowledge and acceptance that as good as you are at something... there are people that are just a little bit better... And realizing that its ok. Some nice guys don't know how to be courageous or confident by virtue that they're simply 'too nice' to take a chance on anything, and then are frustrated at their own lack of advancement due to their lack of courage and confidence. Humility and civility are also things so called 'nice guys' tend to lack in that they actually have to declare that they are in fact a nice guy through words rather than action, and in the process dont actually practice what they preach. Which in turn tends to inflate their ego and create a bloated sense of self importance and how the whole world should simply bow down before them, simply by their virtue of being a 'nice guy'.

Being reasonable and rational in any given situation is about taking patience and restraint and knowing how not to be in a social situation when a discussion, disagreement or argument comes about and there seems to be no consensus being reached despite all efforts being made to achieve some sort of mutual understanding. So called 'nice guys' tend to be easily offended when someone disagrees with them on anything and tend to not handle criticism of their behavior, or of anything they do really, all that well. Being reasonable and rational allows one to simply take into consideration certain things as a means of improvement or to just brush it off and move on to something else.

I know this is pretty long winded, and may even fall into the whole 'tl;dr' category for some... And thats ok. However, i do believe that it is vital to have this knowledge out there as a means to put an end to toxic masculinity and improve the tarnished image of the nice guy and encourage men to just be better gentlemen overall.

Thank you.