Crosspost "I blackmailed my uncle some time ago and I really regret" from /r/confession:

My father is a dick and so my uncle (my mother's brother) has always been one of my favorite male figures He's about 13 years older than me, so I saw him as a really cool older brother. He took me to school, played with me, helped me with my homework, went to the pool with me and everything else a little girl could want.

But when he was in the middle of the 20's and I was 12-13 he started to give me less and less attention, got a girlfriend, was starting to think about having children and I became really jealous.

I always spent a lot of time alone with him and started making small threats whenever he didn't give me any attention when he was "babysitting" me. I started by saying that if he didn't drop the phone to talk with me or anyother thing I woulf tell my mom that rubbed my butt or something "minor" as it. He seemed very uncomfortable to hear that and most of the time he paid attention to me.

It didn't take long for me to realize that this works very well and I started using it more and more, making more and more serious threats, including that he had touched my privacy in the pool or made me play "doctor" with him or ask for pictures.

In my head I "knew" it was wrong, but I didn't understand the seriousness of what I could end up telling my mom, so I really don't know how much he just accepted it or really felt threatened. Anyway, it continued until I was about 14, almost 15.

I'm 17 now, he turned 30, got a good job, moved to another city and is really living a good life. But since then he has acted like I don't exist, we never spoken proper again, he never appeared on my birthdays or of any other family "child" where I could be and I think he really hates me.

I wish I could tell him that I'm sorry and that I love him very much, and that I was jealous and didn't want to lose the only person in the family who took me to do cool things. But I also feel like a piece of shit that would never be able to see him in the eye to talk about it. I don't even know if he would be willing to forgive me, but he is afraid of approaching me thinking that I can do the same again; or he just doesn't want to know about my existence anymore.

I really wanted to know what to do. How to apologize. I'm afraid of everything he can say to me if we're going to talk about it. I think it will hurt even more than the silence.

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Edit to add: people suggesting sending a letter (paper and pen) I have no idea of his address. I can find his work email (he is self-employed, not a corporate email) and send it to him.

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Edit to add 2: I wrote the email and sent it. I said everything I felt, I said that I looked for help here and asked him to give any sign so that I could at least know that he read the email. If he answers me I will update. If he doesn't answer me I'll be on reddit to see if he posts something here.

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Update post

https://www.reddit.com/user/Girlneedtoconfess/comments/ess3to/update/

Posted by Girlneedtoconfess | 20 January 2020 | Link