I’ve decided that today I am going to regale to you a rare and long winded tale from a few years ago. I warn you this is bitter sweet story that makes Marley and me seem like a comedy.

This is a tale about the fabled unicorn 🦄 Please ensure you’re sitting comfortably and we will begin with our saga of NAWALT.

To set the scene the year of our lord was 2012 in the Shire. The world had yet again failed to end and I was a mere 16 year old man boy. Young dumb and Full of cum. Like all 16 year olds I had an strong streak of unjustified narcissistic tendency’s and an altogether too fond opinion of myself. (See Dunning-Kruger effect)

It was over the summer that I had transformed from a gangly looking ugly duckling to a beautiful athletic 6 ft 2 Peacock. Puberty was working it’s wonders.

It was after this miracle that I started to notice other changes. I was suddenly incredibly popular with all the girls in school, my young blue pilled brain couldn’t fathom the change. I naively assumed they had all matured over the summer alas the change was me.

Up until this point my relationship experience had been several 1-2 month escapades where we even kissed and held hands 😘👏

Unknown to our hero this was all about to change. The month was June and I was fast approaching 17, like all pre adulesent boys I had a desperate need to lose my virginity and become cool as fuck.

However until this moment i had been harbouring grandiose dreams of a princess Just falling into my lap after I proved my worth in increasingly outlandish scenarios all within the confines of my head (Don’t lie we’ve all had them 😏)

Unfortunately our story was set in Nottinghamshire, not some fairy tale kingdom so the reality was quite different.

A large portion of our year group decided it’d be a good idea to go to an underground rave in a nearby wooded area. I was excited for a change from the usual bitch smoking of cigarettes and drinking copious amounts of cheap cider. This was an actual cool grown up party and a chance to prove that we really were all mad cunts and cool druggos.

I went up to dodgy looking cunt and asked him if he could sort me 2 Mandy. After a laughing fit and ripping me off £20 I finally had some pills, me and my mate both dropped one and proceeded to pretend to be mortally fucked up for 15 mins.

Then they kicked in and i realised 3 things; I had absolutely no fucking clue what drugs were before that, I never wanted to stop feeling like that and I didn’t know where I’d left my jaw.

An hour or two later after a haze of house music, bright lights and god aweful shuffling I suddenly felt compelled to look through the crowd.

This is when I saw T and our eyes locked in what must have been the most wobbly eyed and spangled rip off of a rom com ever.

(A small amount of background on T, she was a girl at my school who i’d never really spoken to. She was a solid 9/10 big doey eyes, long brown hair, amazing figure, she was a dancer. Oddly enough though she had a reputation for being a bit weird and hating everyone)

It was in that moment on a luke warm night in some dodgy woods that a pure sweet drug fuelled moment of love at first sight occurred. A love so powerful it could transcend the blue pill, hypergamy and AWALT.

From that moment until the last we were inseparable. After an undescrible night partying I went back to her’s and with zero chance of my dick waking up we ended up stroking each other’s faces for several hours. (FUCKING LOVE MDMA)

This was the start of a beautiful 3 year relationship. We quickly became the top power couple in our school, at the peak of popularity and voted prom king and queen.

We lost our virginity together, climbed kilamonjiro together, we travelled together and we made so many pure happy memory’s and I can gladly say this was the happiest time of my life.

During the entire relationship there were no orbiters, she was always fiercely proud to be my girlfriend and a complete bitch to anyone with a penis in a 100 mike radius, the sex was amazing and we had barely any down sides. (Apart from the incredibly violent arguements over her jealousy but I loved the passion and it was a small trade off in hindsight)

To be continued in part 2