bitches love bacon

sup fellow terpers, i want to tell you about my bitches.. maybe a bit off topic, but you decide.

Everyone always told me you needed a bitch, most said that a bitch was a man's best friend... in fact, I was brought up on that. My Uncle had a bitch that was more trouble than she was worth, always chewing his shoes and chasing other cars. But he loved his bitch and always forgave and treated her better than he treated himself. He said that she didn't behave as well as he liked, but that was the luck of the draw. His dad had had a great bitch that was always there to lick his wounds and lift the mood with a beautiful, innocent energy. 'They just don't breed them like that anymore,' he and his friends agreed.

Once I was old enough I decided it was time to get my own bitch. Now I'd seen a lot of bad bitches causing a lot of good men a lot of real strife, but I KNEW - shit, I'd been told all my life - that a bitch was a man's best friend and it was kind of weird to be a guy who didn't have his own bitch.

So I was out one day and met some people who knew the perfect bitch. She'd had a few owners before and they said she was prone to running away, but she was still the best bitch money could buy. Purebred, toilet trained and let's face it, she wouldn't have been wearing the highest price tag if she wasn't the best bitch.

I knew I had to have her. So I made her mine. Now to buy her... well I had to steal from some real friends to get the money and I had to act like someone completely different to convince the bitch's keepers that she was going to a good home.. But fuck it, right? Some of my mates said I was crazy doing all this for a bitch, but they were probably just jealous that I was getting a top bitch.

At first we use to play all the time. I'd take her to the beach and you should have seen her chase my stick! Later, I'd always make sure she knew she was the best bitch on earth. I mean, she smelt in the morning, the worst part of my week was cleaning her kennel or cancelling on a weekend with the guys because she couldn't be left by herself, but still, what kind of guy says that to his bitch? Besides, heaps of people told me she was a gorgeous bitch and they wished they could take her to the park.

Eventually I started to noticed that whenever we got back from the beach she'd run to my neighbours place. I'd go to get her and eventually drag her home to make sure she had her premium range food and to make sure she'd stay safe by deworming and washing her in solution. God, the way she'd fight me when I tried to help her... Even though she was difficult as hell, sometimes she'd give me one lick on the cheek later... It wasn't much, but that was the luck of the draw with bitches, and at least it made me forget about how much she was wagging her tail whenever I'd arrive to get her from my neighbours.

One day I was having a beer with my neighbour and he admitted that my bitch came over for a slice of bacon nearly every night! Well i couldn't believe it. Fair play to my neighbour if he had spare bacon and bitches begging for it, but I'd always been told that bacon was bad for bitches, and offering it to them would have you named and shamed as a bacon-feeder. My neighbour laughed, and over the noise of all the bitches barking for his attention, he told me that one bite of bacon was worth more than a lifetime of nutrition and patting.

Well I could see that my bitch was happier with this bacon guy and it really broke me up. But I thought, you know what, if that's what she wants, I'll leave her to the bacon-giver. One night, I threw her over the fence.

It sucked. For a while i could see her over the fence having the time of her life on her bacon diet. I was so fucking miserable sitting there by myself, looking at the studded collar I'd planned to give her for her next birthday.

But eventually, I decided, fuck it, that's life. I started taking care of myself. I ate the premium steak she'd been getting and when I went to the park to look for other bitches to play with, they saw how much fun i was to play with and were only too willing to oblige - a lot of them even wished I'd take them home.

The best thing was, I soon realised I had found something better. I still got to play with bitches but I had way more time to spend on things I wanted to do. Instead of having to walk the bitch at 5:00pm, i spent a year doing an extra hour at work... i was promoted three times, almost tripling my income! I never had to knock back another weekend away with the boys and through that I deepened some bonds that will last for life.

O.. and in my down time.. I found a website that taught you how to deal with bitches in the perfect way. Next time I had a bitch (no longer any concerns about whether i could afford her!) she'd be wagging her tail for me or for no one!

Eventually one day I was hanging out with some friends. One of their bitches had had a whole litter of puppies. There was this one puppy bitch that kept staring at me, but wasn't demanding enough to do the nuzzle that the desperate puppies did. So I gave her the occasional pat and when another friend tried to pick her up she gave him a little nip on the hand, i thought, 'what a great bitch!"

Some people thought I was wrong for going for an untrained puppy, but I thought a bitch is a bitch. I want a fun, gorgeous little bitch that will chase my stick. And if she's untrained, she's unspoilt. I tried to buy her but it turned out she didn't have a price, but just wanted to go to a good home, and didn't even need all the immunisations because she was a strong breed.

A while later, I saw my old bitch limping around town. Fuck! She was looking mangy as shit and no collar. Judging from the foam at her mouth, she may even have had rabies. I saw a homeless man try to grab her collar - he must have felt sorry for the bitch and thought she needed a home - but she just barked at him. Her eyes demanded she be treated like a purebred but her appearance ensured she was treated like the ageing dog she was.

I shook my head and went home to my beautiful bitch She'd grown by now. She was a true companion and a loyal solider in any fight. I immunised her, protected her and gave her nutritious food. And I also gave her bacon. All the bitch-owner manuals I could find told me not to, but i knew that bitches loved bacon because it was in their nature.

The best thing was my attitude had changed. I knew I had a wonderful bitch and now I could afford a bit of bacon for her every now and then. But I also knew, that if my neighbour started feeding her pork belly, well, she'd be next door in a week.

And a week after that I'd be at the pound for my next new puppy bitch :) There are beautiful bitches everywhere :)