If the you feel the need to delete this post, feel free to do so as I got carried away.

We all know it. That infuryating feeling that comes from being weak, and knowing that you are a loser. Being afraid of taking action in any direction, so you just drift along everyone elses paths in life, taking shit from people and presenting yourself as a proud warrior, even though inside you know you are not alright in the emotions department. Silent screams fill the void in your mind when you've failed to grasp basic discipline for the 10 000th time.

This is what is going inside me when I am not being lazy or getting my dose of dopamine from yt videos or movies or porn. "Just do it" doesn't help when it comes to discipline, if it did I wouldn't be writing this right now. I think it might be depression. How can I be my best self when I don't even have my emotions in check, on top of that being unproductive.

My birthday is in a couple of days and I feel time slipping through my fingers while I sit on my bed and stare at my phone. Being an overthinker doesn't help either.

The worst part is that no matter how many good habits you have or how succesful you are, you can hide all the bad feelings from people and while they think you're okay and even mock you for being wimpy, you are dying inside. I understand exactly why some famous people commit suicide (Kurt Cobain, Robin Williams).

Depression is real.

I wanted to post this as a question on askTRP but it turned out to be a rant. I apologise for inconvenience and lack of advice.