I realised I have to be 100% comfortable with myself and also that you have to be a persona you trust and you know is you.

I like working on myself however I haven really been working on myself and it made me feel weird, well not then, now.

I can't really be who I am because I am not there yet. I realised that sure, I can be the cocky dude with the muscles girls just "know" he is the shit, who pulls, has his shit going on, however I am not that, yet. Basically I don't have anything to back it up with. I don't have the body that I want, I don't have the funds that I need, and I don't have the attitude that radiates I don't give a fuck.

I am 21, and I went out for the first time in months, the first time that I felt like "fuck, I know what I'm here for" I didn't give a full and I talked to whoever, however, game is game. Women know the game, you just have to sell it to them right. You're either fucking, or you're not. There's no in between, that's the reality of it. I can be something I am not, however, I do aspire to be something far more greater than I am. Game is fucking game, you have to pull it off right, and own that shit, and have something to back it up with.

I also realised I don't fucking like talking to boring chicks, it's feels so forced. I'm talking 4s, 5s and 6s. I find them harder to even talk to it's just weird. But the hot ones, the ones that are decently good looking are so much easier to talk to. It's a weird dynamic. So that was my experience, game is game, own the "persona" you're trying to sell her, in field. Day game is different, and yeah, that's it.

I also wasn't afraid to talking to chicks, it's just what the fuck do I talk about. I was having, however i felt like it was a bit forced with some women, like they didn't want to talk.

I didn't get hurt by rejection, I didn't even consider the feeling of rejection, it was more like "who the fuck do I connect with" who is fun, who is not fun, let's party, let's make out, what the fuck, however, as I said, I can't really pull that persona off, so it's MGTOW, but still going out.

I know I'll be at a good place once I start knowing people, having interactions and having fun, learning the social dynamics and being the guy that some people know, however it's going to take time. It's not about the things that I have, and own, and possess, however, I really can't act like someone who I am not without backing it up.