For lack of a better intro, I wanted to share some thoughts I’ve been having recently on this empty void I’ve been feeling inside of me. Since we mostly all come here following events that are considered bad in nature (breakups, divorce, currently experiencing unsatisfying relationships, etc), it’s fair to say that the wounds still hurt to put you guys into context.

I’ve recently started to experience a deep emptiness inside of me following a recent breakup and I started to question myself about what was the cause. In fact, I don’t really feel like I miss the person at all. It’s mostly a feeling that something is missing even though we hadn’t been together for quite that long. It’s this feeling that I have to do something better with myself.

I fucked up the relationship I think mostly because I got in there being the guy who had a whole bunch of projects, who travels a lot, who’s working in accordance to where I wanted to be in life. I was the person who took chances, who acted on my gut, who did things that scared the living shit outta me. Not to impress someone, not with the thoughts of actually building life experiences to would make me an interesting guy in the eyes of some woman, but mostly because of that constant emptiness I felt when life started to get too comfortable.

Then I met that girl, while being on the process of actually doing something that made me uncomfortable (going on dates). I could feel that she was hooked on me after only one date. I was this interesting guy who wanted to quit the 9 to 5, live the nomad life of working from a laptop on a beach while sipping on cocktails and who was actually working on making it happen. I was this guy that took care of himself, that ate healthy foods, that had an amazing social circle, that wasn’t scarred to travel alone to some far away land for the sake of stepping out of my comfort zone.

Somewhere along the line, I got too comfortable. I stopped wanting to do things to fill the emptiness. I pushed my dreams, projects and objectives on the side for no obvious reasons. I got lazy, and I could feel and see myself saying things like “If you don’t respects yourself, she’s not gonna do it”. Unconsciously, I was regressing to an old childish immature version of myself. The 16 year old who plays video game for a whole weekend, who watches wrestling, who doesn’t go out much to work on his social skills, who masturbates, etc. I can start to see a pattern from previous relationships where I feel pulled to things that aren’t doing me any good just because I get into this pattern of comfort with someone.

From my own perspective, this is probably a part of the blue pill mentality that I still had to deal with. This idea that “Wow, I’ve found someone cool with whom I can have a good time with and relax”. That mostly never works. We think we”re all red pill alphas who just gets it. It kinda comes up as a big surprise sometimes when you fuck up on some of the things you already knew because you read about them. Experiences trump theory I guess.

Needless to say that when she dumped me it stung pretty bad.

Lesson I learned from all this and the point I’m trying to make is that the emptiness never goes away. Whenever I'm the state that I'm right now, faced with this gap inside of me, this feeling of bitterness thinking back about some girl who was in my life and disappeared, the only space where I can find hope is in bettering myself. That's the only place where I can stop focusing on this empty feeling inside of me. I know it's never going to go away. That feeling I get on most Sundays, it's always going to be there but at least I don't live with a delusional idea that expects a girl to come into my life and make everything change for the best!

Keep grinding fellas! Have a good weekend!