I'm a white knight in remission. A 30 year old product of a single mother, myself a blue pill renegade recluse just trying to make my strong moments last longer.

I discovered red pill truths about one year ago and felt the words resonate with my experiences clearer than a church bell. Now I am doing me. I am back in school, lifting, working, reading. No real hobbies yet but soon. I have a plan integrating more every week.

Still, after 12 months of lurking, clearing out the required readings, and realizing not just my unicorn is incapable of returning my own affections simlarly, but AWALT, I still feel numb, lost, or even angry at times.

I look for people to model my behavior irl but conscious red pill consumers seem to be nonexistent outside reddit. Even my main model seems magenta at times. The fact trp might soon be banned only adds to my worries.

I include nonfiction books, youtube, podcasts, and movies into my regimen and still fall short of my goals, self-acceptance, strength, and some females (ONS, plates, or LTR, I'm easy.)

What step am I missing? How do I make the transition from theory to practice?