I've written all this because some time ago, somebody posted a blanket statement about how you need to break contact with everyone you know once you change too much, else they wont respect you and others who see those interactions wont respect you either.
As with most blanket statements, it's better doing this than following the wrong path, yet it's still worse than following a correct, but much more complicated formula.
I'll try to explain here, in moderate detail, how (positive) change affects your relationships with the surrounding people, what you need to expect, and what you can do about it.
I'll repeat this many times, but this is also a blanket statement compared to an actual psychological research paper - that being said, it covers almost all possible scenarios, with probably less than 10% outliners, and gives you more options, unlike that above mentioned blanket statement.
Variables:
- Time (amount) they knew your old self - Time 1.
- Time you spent improving yourself - Time 2.
- Time a person hasn't seen you - Time 3. For the physical aspect of value, consider seeing pics on FB "seeing". For other aspects, consider the relevant "see" as "seeing", such as at the very least voice messages for "charisma", etc. Obviously, real life face to face interaction encompasses all definitions of "seen".
- Your total value (be it physical, character wise, etc) change over Time 2 - Change.
Be advised - this also applies to negative change .
Will be measured from -100 to 0 to 100, where if somebody is a 2/10 (some obese, smelly, uncharismatic nerd with bad aesthetics and horrible character, but at least healthy and is 6" tall) and changes 40, he turns into 6/10 (he hit the gym, drops from 300 to 200 pounds, gains some muscle, starts shaving looking after his fashion, develops new hobbies/skills, and much more that such a change would take). You can't change into anything above 10/10 or below 0/10, tho those can be considered unreachable. - A time it takes a person to FULLY accept (your) Change from the end of Time 2 - Resistance. Once it's 0, he would accept your change fully. But after some point, say, 0.3Resistance, he'll start slowly accepting the change until he has completely accepted it, at 1Resistance. Also, to clarify, if Resistance is 2 days, it's actually 2 days AFTER your total Time 2 up to that point.
- Also, be advised - all numbers are arbitrary and will change from person to person. Two different people will accept your change differently, even under identical circumstances.
- Only the main variables are listed - I can't give you a 100% accurate guide to life. If I listed everything as I understand it, this would be extremely more complicated, and even then it still wouldn't be perfect. The following module will predict a high percentage of cases, I believe, but there are always outliners.
- All this is from anecdotal experience only - I only have myself and half a dozen friends as samples (with a few dozen others as less reliable samples, since I know less about them). All evidence point to the conclusion ahead of you, though.
How it works
All of this assumes you that if you continue to interact with people you act the part, but more on that later.
As said before, this is a list of statistically common rules of how the more statistically influential variables above affect each other. There could be other rules, for more specific cases.
First off, the higher Time 1 is, the higher a persons Resistance will be.
This is only natural - your newer friends will accept the same Change/Time2 faster than old friends, and surely faster than your parents.
Here is a graph to demonstrate, assuming the same person.
This is nothing you can control, but it is important to remember.
Second, the higher Change /Time 2 is, the higher Resistance will be.
Meaning, the faster you change, say, 10 over a week compared to 10 over a month, the more time it'll take the people who knew you before the change to fully embrace the new you once it's over - say, a month compared to a week. Here is a demonstration
Notice that overall, they will accept you after around the same time - after a month and a week. AND you'd have 3 extra weeks to continue improving, but that's a different calculation. For the purpose of this explanation, there is no improvement during Resistance.
In essence, more gradual change = people accepting more and more of it after and during improvement.
Also, at some point after the started accepting it they'll start accepting more change faster. So in the example above, if you improved A) 10/month or B) 20/1.5*month, and say the improvement was linear, after 4 weeks people will accept 0.5 of your Change in A (5), but 0.7 of the change in B (9.3)- because the bigger the change they already accepted, the faster people are to accept more change.
Third, the larger is Time 3, the the more people will forget how you were, and once they meet you, they'll adjust your value closer to what you really are at that moment, and adjust it higher even faster if you show that higher value.
For example, if you improved 40 (from 4/10 to 8/10) since the last time you saw G (say you don't upload FB pics, and didn't talk to her), which was 2 years ago, she will be pretty quick to adjust your value to, say, 6/10 at start, and 8/10 if you continue interacting with her and acting the part. Consider that 6/10 initial value and a Resistance of, say, 2 weeks to recognize you as 8/10. It might be even lower, like 1 day. That depends on the Time 1 she knew you. If you talk to her 1 year of no-contact after improving as much, she'll adjust her value of you to 5/10, and the Resistance will be higher, say a month (as always, assuming you act the part). So overall, she'll be more resistant to your change, but of course, she'll accept you as a 8/10 after a year and a month rather than 2 years and 2 weeks. So of course, faster positive change is better.
Also, the G's Time 1 in the example was probably years - if it was somebody you knew for a few months, Resistance would probably be much lower, like 2 days and 1 day.
Your options
- Continue interacting with the person, but acting the part (just a bit til this part).
This will, 99%, result in people either recognizing your new value faster, or in the two of you breaking contact, with the chance to resume it with them recognizing your new value, or not ever resuming it again. More on that later. - Break contact for some time, and restoring it later on, while still acting the part. This is usually the safer approach, but will result on more time of no-contact with those people.
Once you restore contact, it'll be safer to act the part, with less potential tension.
Also, once you restore contact, you'll sometimes notice that you no longer actually want those people in your life, for example because you only wanted their company before because nobody else would give it. But on the other hand, you'll sometimes find that with their new attitude towards you they are much more fun to be around, and/or more useful. This is beside the main point, though.
- Continue acting with them as you did before. Now, for some people, mayhaps you used to be arrogant and thought of yourself higher than you actually were, and used to act accordingly - but this is almost never the case, cause people tend to resent people who act like much more than they're worth, and break contact with them unless they are tied strongly enough (like close family).
So I'll assume you used to act according to your low worth. If you did, and continue acting the same way forward on, what the other guy I mentioned at the start said will come true - they will continue shitting on you, and other people who interact with you and see that will respect you much less. Especially if you act below your worth with them, too.
Acting The Part
By now, you are probably annoyed with this thing I referenced a dozen times and still didn't explain. You might have skipped here after the first mention or two, which is also acceptable.
Now, like many of you might have heard - as it is repeated on this sub a LOT - human interact based on perceived worth.
This is, again, natural, because each person interacts with the world according to his own point of view.
In this section, I'll explain what you should and shouldn't do to keep that perception as high as possible.
Showcase Your Worth
This one is pretty obvious, right? Well, it is, but many people still get it wrong. And for a good reason, as in our complicated society, it's much more complicated to showcase your worth in an optimal way.
Self Worth
This is, perhaps, the most important part. For all of the following, you have to act accordingly. You have to react to disrespect, aka, people acting towards you as if you're lower value than you actually are.
If you know you're no longer bad looking, for example, don't let people joke on your looks without a reaction. Depending on how far they rate you below your actual worth, you can reply jokingly heightening it ("You're a real Brad Pitt, aren't you?" - "Nah, just a Leonardo DiCaprio") or pointing, again jokingly, at the disrespect. If they go too far, you respond more aggresively, but still in the same tone (a jokingly said "you're ugly as fuck" can be answered by "You jelous bro?", a less jokingly said one can be answered with "fuck you, keep your jealousy at bay.").
If they joked about how they you hardly got money to spend on weekends, remind them -remember, same tone- how you'll be earning 4 times as much once you finish your degree in a year.
Remember, don't try to show off, reply in the same tone, and if they get offended when you jokingly reply to their "joke" insult, say something along the lines of "Hey, hey, we're only joking here". If this helped you understand what crossing the line is considered for you - that's good. But that's ultimately for each and every person to decide for themselves.
Also, remember the one and only reality of Self Worth - you have to actually be worth as much or close to as much as you're trying to appear. More on this following...
Physique
For this, you need to first of all have a good physique. The places to learn where to gain it are the fitness sub and BB.com, among others. Physique basically affects your appearance with cloths on or off, so this is very important.
The ways to showcase it are posting pictures on FB (or wherever), and interacting with people in real life.
Of course, you shouldn't overdo photos, because if you do it TOO frequently (like posting a picture of your abs every day) it'll show people you are obsessed, which will lower your value for a few reasons. It's still better than having a fat belly, but worse than if you just posted a pic occasionally where your abs are shown with some context (because you are at the sea and were swimming).
Style
To improve your style, appearance with cloths on, check out the male fashion advice sub, or other stuff. You can see movies, series, and if you see a character with a style you like that you can mimic - do it. This includes clothes, rings, watches, chains, earrings, belt, boots - everything you do or can wear. Hair style can also be included, but I'll keep it in the next category.
Showcase it the same as Physique.
Aesthetics
To improve those, go to the male hair advice sub, SKINCARE ADDICTION, and others. Search for some guides on it. Trim your eyebrows, keep your hair in good shape, or remove that hair from your back using laser.
Showcase it the same as Physique.
Conversation Value
There are many things that this title includes, but on the other hand, the way to showcase it is very straightforward - talk to people.
To learn how to talk to different people in different circumstances, use different resources. Search around Reddit or Google on how to talk to girls with confidence, and general guides on how to speak with people, and charisma in general. There are guides on this, even here!
To learn what to talk about, listen to stand-up shows and remember the better jokes, learn how to think faster and make funny comments on imaginary situations (this is complicated for those who can't but possible), read books or the internet to learn different (preferably interesting) topics, pick up interesting hobbies to talk about..
Power
Now, this is a very wide topic, and there are many ways of showcasing power.
First, yo have to have some, either by form of money or some other influence.
Then, you showcase it, like (in case of money) showing off your car to people in real life or FB, paying for a girl at the bar like it is pocket change (preferably, it should be if you decide to do so). Another example, in case of connections, get yourself and the group of people you're with into a high-end club by talking to the bouncer you know. Or better, the owner.
There are many case to showcase power, and many ways to gain it, but I can't explain it all here- that's a guide on its own.
Conclusion
When you improve, you need to learn how to adapt to the change, or the transition will be either rougher or less effective.
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