Somehow after many intense traumas I have lost my confidence. I was also dependent on many things (alcohol, drugs, sex, relationships, porn, masturbation, food, spending, internet, devices) that I think were propping up my confidence and giving me false confidence for many years. I am now at a place where I have completely cut off all use of alcohol, drugs, sex, relationships, porn, masturbation & spending). I still have addiction to food, internet and devices. My mood and confidence is SO LOW. I have gone through the withdrawals but now am stuck in this really depressed state. I am not sad, just blah. No motivation, no inspiration, no confidence. Do I just continue to tough it out and wait for the spark to come back? Will it ever come back? How do I get it back without falling back into one of my addictions? When I say for example I was addicted to relationships and sex, what I mean is this: I was having indiscriminate relationships and sex with women to whom I was not really interested or emotionally connected with, and even though I didn't love them, when the inevitable tragic end came, I would be crushed and realize how dependent I had become on their approval. So, I am addicted to approval too and currently don't have any. Do you see why I am scared to go out and hit on girls? Because I am afraid of repeating the same pattern again. I want real confidence as an independent man FIRST! But still, this intense feeling of craving and loneliness and emptiness is there which is a huge drain on my confidence. BTW I am 40 years old.

Edit:

I basically trained myself to measure how good I felt and how confident I felt based on measuring how women approved of me and how much I was able to be careless and reckless in my life.

Maybe I am somehow spoiled? I have no interest in actually working for anything or having to do anything or take responsibility for anything.

My testosterone levels are fine I have had them checked. This issue is psychological. I may have complex PTSD from lifelong stress and trauma. I was an only child.

According to wikipedia... there are 5 big personality traits. Here is where I would rank myself:

  • openness - high
  • conscientiousness - low
  • extraversion - medium
  • agreeableness - medium
  • neuroticism - high

Basically, I am probably just withdrawing from my many years of addiction to porn, bad relationships, overeating, etc... I am committed to re-wiring my brain, no matter how long it takes.