I have two part of me. One that thinks in love and that all women should be respected and loved and are always trying to become the man that deserves them.

But the other part think this belief is stupid, i mean why do i have to work so hard on myself for women? Why do they have so much power over me? I don't care about their feelings or having to waste time i just wanna fuck and be wanted.

But i feel like if i don't give them love i will not be able to get them to like me.

Im a below average looking guy that lives in a place where most of the guys are above 7 on scale 1 to 10 and im a 4. It's so unfair because im more interesting and funnier that most people but still i get nothing. This friend of mine. To be honest he is very boring i mean he can't even hold a conversation. But still he gets girls all over him. He does not say a single thing but girls are all over him and its frustrating. I mean how why? We can't say he has good confidence because he does not. But still all women want him and it pisses me off. To be honest im totally jealous. I feel like the only hope i have is to love myself so that the girls can start to run after me. You know that Law of attraction thing. But no matter how much i visualize, or how much i read and try the stuff nothing works. And this friend of mine just gets it and to see the look they give him and the looks they give me brakes my heart. I mean what am i suppose to do? Am i really so ugly that i don't deserve love or sex? Did i do something wrong? People would say lower your expectations but i refuse. I don't plan on sleeping with women out of desperation. I want what i want!

But wanting something and not being able to do anything to get it really makes me mad and sad. I need help. I don't know what to do. I feel that if i love myself ill be able to become popular. But im afraid that if i love myself i would stop caring and will lose my dream of having sex with different beautiful women. Yeah i know the irony.

(Ugly guys don't want ugly girls, and ugly girls don't want ugly guys, and beautiful people just like beautiful people).

Because of this people settle for another person "closer" to them. But to be honest im a good man. I deserve whatever i want. I have worked hard to be how i am. Yes im not perfect. And im far away from were i want to be. But let me tell you no person is perfect. Women want to be with a perfect guy when they are not perfect themselves. Yes i want to have a good looking woman is that bad? Does that mean i don't deserve it for not being beautiful enough or tall enough? How come girls only want tall guys when they are short but we can't? Im so done with this. Im so tired of all this bullshit. I don't know why but this sucks. Im a person that deserves what i want because i have been good and i have improved and keep improving everyday. But still nobody cares about me. Just because im not a 10 does not means i don't deserve the attention.

People will just say well you didn't love yourself enough. Or you have to suffer in order to appreciate it more. And i say. Bullshit, if this is true, then when will it be enough? When will i be good enough? How much more do i have to suffer to be able to appreciate it? How come people that haven't done anything still gets whatever they want?

Yes we all know the world is not fair and you do what you can with the cards you have. But to be honest im exhausted. Exhausted of trying, exhausted of not trying. Some people say you have to try. Others say don't try and it will come. But i tried both and im exhausted.

Im just writing my frustrations because i honestly don't know what to do. I have been focusing on myself to be worthy of whatever i want. I heard that i first have to love myself to get love. And i have tried. And i like myself. Not as much as i would want to. But i still like and respect myself. So how come im still lonely. Yes i feel like i have myself and can do whatever. But when it comes to being loved by someone else its seems impossible. Maybe its destiny to be alone. Maybe i did something so bad in my past or my past life that i don't deserve love anymore. And im sad, because i like myself but even if i do love myself and respect myself. nobody else does. And im a human i want a connection. I want to be with the person i like, i want to be able to show myself and how i really am as a person. But when all people just judges you by your looks. People just look at you with disgust. Even tho i know im not that ugly, to feel those looks really hurt my pride and makes me question my self worth. Yes "i should not have my self worth decided by women" but to see everyone talk about how many different women that approach them or how many girls they had and vice versa, it makes me wonder Why i don't have something that is so normal.

If anyone have a magic pill that can make me have that person i want and have abundance with women or atleast have options that i want. Ill take whatever. Even tho my love life have been hell in the past i still have hope. And even if i don't get to be in love at least i don't want the pain of not being atleast likes at all.