Long time ago, I was having an acute one-itis and I went with that girl and 20 other people on a kayak trip.

We were kayaking on a river through the day and we slept in tents.

Great time, BTW. Nature is sooo beautiful, especially in summer.

The deal was pretty normal and blue-pill. That girl that I had crush on did not want me sexually. She took me there probably because I was a good beta-provider, somehow I cared for her, I suppose I was a replacement father for her (and you usually don't fuck with your father, don't you). For example, she kissed with friend on the 2nd evening of the trip (I was unaware of that). Still, I tried hard to get to her. No success.

On 7th day or so, kayak with 2 girls got stuck on a tree branch. Pretty common situation. Me and my "love" we just got to the river bank near the camping site. I saw those 2 girls calling for help - this was not a dangerous situation, but a pretty uncommon one, especially for inexperienced kayakers we were.

So I ran to save them. I did not risk anything actually, but I ran there like a wild animal, like a caveman, jumped into the water, swam there. I probably shouted something, just for fun. Pushed their kayak from that tree and came back swimming.

And then there is the evening, we chill out at the campfire.

And that evening one of those girls I "saved" sits on my lap. Literally.

And I do nothing.

She sits on my fucking lap and I totally do nothing.

I decided I want to stay faithful to my "crush". And that this is some kind of trial. And I must not.

After some time she leaves.

I get drunk, as usual, this was my daily routine on that trip, and after I get drunk, I go to my crush's tent and try to wake her up or to cuddle her.

She is not interested, of course. Tells me to fuck off.

After 13 years or so I found TheRedPill and I built my awareness of alfa and beta males.

This story... I like this story. Because if it happened once, if a girl sat on my lap voluntarily, without me doing any chase... it may just happen twice.

All I need is to stop pursuing women and build my value even more I did already.

Also, this situation shows me, that when I had that one-itis and went full beta... I did not behave alpha, even with a hot, thin, long-curly-haired, young girl sitting on my lap.

In my past, I had at least one relationship, when a woman openly declared her affection for me and was happy to give me what she had. And I felt great in that relationship, it was very fulfilling. I felt like a real man.

Somehow, I have chosen to pursue women which were totally not interested in me, except for "beta bucks" stuff.

There is one reason I stop doing that.

These 2 situations I described, from my past... they felt great. They felt like no other.

I want more.