I'm getting married soon (I have a pre-nup with an arbitration clause plus a Trust so I'm covered guys). I called my mom's mom (my grandmother) the other week to see if she was coming to the wedding. I really didn't want to but my fiancee wanted me to. I really don't care for the woman.

She's a nasty piece of work. She cheated on my grandfather with a married man, continued to sleep with married men when the married man she was with didn't leave his wife after my grandfather divorced her. She and my father have not ever gotten along and she pulled some major shit when I was a kid against my father's father (called the cops on him while he was babysitting me while my parents were in Africa because he wouldn't leave me alone with her because she wanted to go into NYC and I had real bad asthma as kid at a young age, the cops left because my grandfather and his family were tight with the police).

She's taken every chance possible to attack my dad. And when I hit fourteen I wrote her off. Taking her checks and depositing them but avoiding her as much as possible. I only invited her to the wedding to make my mom happy. My mom has a similar opinion of her mother and we've discussed it at length how horrible her mother and sister are as human beings.

So I called her and she was as distant as possible. I played nice and spoke sweetly, hoping she would choose not to come. Luckily the venue is one where we can reduce the number of guests and thus cost up to two weeks before it takes place. We are down from a guest list of 75 to 32 at this point (my grandmother plus one included). Which is fine with me as most of my family not coming are sending $100 checks instead of gifts (we all do it for each other on my dad's side, my mom's side is getting us expensive gifts off the registry [well my mom's dad's side anyways]).

She called me today to tell me why she hadn't decided yet...yet after getting the invitation over six months ago. Basically I was distant and I was taker and she didn't feel a connection to me. I was ready to hang-up twenty seconds into the phone call or explode on her.

Then I stopped the anger welling up inside me. Remembered to remain cool and hold frame. Blowing up at her might cause my mother to suffer. Blowing up at her might mean no check. I know I'm not in the will and the cunt has gone and created a trust to control the money from the grave. The only reason I'd want any of it, is because it was really my great-grandathers and he and I were close. He told me all the time I was his favorite, and we are a lot alike. He taught me a lot before he died when I was 17. He taught me (along with my dad's dad), to live well, not give a shit about haters, work hard only if you are working smart, be your own man, and that at the end of the day, only God can judge you.

So I took the opportunity to be a stronger person and I told her that I hadn't seen the error of my ways till she had told me. That I was sorry she felt that way and that I had invited her because it was a big day in my life and wanted to share it with her (all lies, i want the bitch to die so I can piss and dance on her grave). And that I would respect her not coming and if she did come, that I wouldn't expect anything from her.

This threw her for a loop. She didn't know how to respond. And I was smiling. Basically it ended with little fanfare and I'm cool with that. She sought to shame me, which might have angered me, and then I wouldn't be in control. Instead I maintained control and while my words said one thing, she could pick up in my voice that I meant another thing.

I have a reputation in my family for saying one thing while being prepared to do another, or meaning another thing. I do it as a sign of disrespect, and the tone of my voice goes from deep and cordial (aiming for James Earl Jones) to light and washy (you can definitely tell the difference when you hear the shift as I have to force the lighter voice. I can talk like Elmo for extended periods of time even though my natural voice is deep and baritone with gravely accents at times).

I hope she doesn't come to my wedding. But now I have to talk to my mom about it. Which makes me feel like shit because I've been bad about calling my mom once a week (really it's to keep my dad happy). My mom and I had squared off a couple weeks ago about me being consumed with work and future married life and not calling her (even though I take her to lunch every couple of weeks and visit when she is in town at least twice a month).

Family will drain you dry emotionally if they can. My parents attempt it regularly and get pissed off when I start laughing or reply "I don't give a fuck." Which the last time we talked, and they tried to guilt trip me, I spent thirty minutes yawning, and going "I don't give a fuck" or "since this has been a problem since I was six and now I'm thirty, haven't you realized I will never change" (they really hate that one).

After thirty minutes I got up, kissed my mom on the forehead and let them know I was leaving. I wanted to go workout at the gym and I gave them their due thirty minutes to bitch and accomplish nothing. I gave a full report to my fiancee to make it clear, as she already knows, that guilt means nothing to me.

You either make me happy, do something for me, or I leave. There's no value in being guiltted, saddened, or made to feel bad because other people refuse to acknowledge who you are and conduct themselves accordingly.

I love my parents, I love my family. If they want to be happy and do things, I'm all good to spend time with them. Anything else that isn't related to a funeral or someone being in the hospital, is complete bullshit. To those in my family that are terrible people (not because of making money or accomplishing things), I'm completely cool just throwing them away. What have they done for me? What will they do for me?

You owe blood nothing but which you choose to give it. Be careful whom you choose to give what to. As you can be wasting a lot of your precious time, self-esteem, and resources on those who are nothing but a millstone around your neck.