While we've always been close (we've been friends since the 2nd grade), the past few years we've been distant. I understand that things change as you get older (we're 23), but to keep a friendship you need to put some effort in. If your life changes and you want those affected to stay a part of it, you have to make it easier for them. Ned expected his friends to make all the effort when his circumstances changed.
I don't care that he became a relationship man, I care that he does exactly as Sarah tells him to do. No matter what Sarah does/says, he will defender her. This is all well and good if she wasn't wrong countless times. All of this for someone who belittles and criticises him in front of his friends on the rare occasions that he can have them over.
About a year into the relationship Sarah got pregnant. I never had a conversation with Ned about how it happened but word on the street is that Sarah missed a pill. I could be wrong but I’d say she has deliberately tried to get pregnant to ensure Ned’s commitment. Keeping in mind, he will defend whatever she says because she does so much for him. She actually did things for him in the beginning, which she would use to guilt trip him later. Not only is he already lacking in common sense but she is also 3 years older than him.
So the wedding is in a couple of days and the buck’s was a couple of weeks ago. We’d been drinking all day and I’d gone home not long after dinner. I find out the next day that Scott, one of the boys, managed to speak his mind later that evening and walked out. Ned thought it was nothing more than a drunken disagreement and called Scott the next day to make up. Scott wasn’t buying it. He told Ned that his mind hasn’t changed, that he doesn’t like her and that he’s out. Scott was no longer in the grooms party.
I saw no greater opportunity than this to share how I felt. It was now or never. I mustered up some courage in my hung-over state and called Ned. I asked how the rest of the night went then swiftly changed the subject to Scott. I said, “Well I’ve called you to tell you that I can’t support you getting married because I don’t agree with it. I don’t think it’s the right thing to do. I don’t think it’s a healthy relationship.” Ned told me we’d never speak again. Alright.
For a while now Ned has been a real life example of bluepill mentality while I’ve grown into a redpill man. Marriage is one of those scenarios you’re not supposed to fuck with. Even if we don’t agree we’re supposed to give them the benefit of the doubt. With an ever-increasing divorce rate, sitting at around 50%, the odds aren’t exactly in your favour.
If I were on the fence about the marriage, I would have waited to see how things turned out. There were just too many red flags for me to contain how I felt. I managed to share how I honestly saw the situation, even knowing the consequences.
Bailing two weeks out from the wedding is obviously going to be frustrating, I sympathise with that. But to text me 2 hours later with “Don’t ever try to talk to me again you fucking dog” is just further evidence as to why he shouldn’t get married, he’s too immature and that’s exactly the kind of reaction that Sarah would have. They may as well be one person. Oh, and that text was sent to me after he had called everyone else from the bucks to gain their sympathy.
I have no regret because I finally spoke up. If the disagreement causes so much friction that a friendship is lost, then the friendship has run its course. I think one day he will understand but I was too late to turn him around. I think it has gotten to the point where she could cheat on him and he would find a way to forgive her.
Do your friends a favour and be honest with them from the beginning. There is a lack of communication among men when it comes to relationships and I think this is out of fear of the consequences. I've told my friends to be honest with me because oneitis can be cancerous.
