I go to a mostly affluential middle school in the U.S., am in 8th grade, and need some advice from my more experienced mentors.

Here's the scenario. I'm a short white kid with blue eyes and the yearn for manifest destiny deeply embedded in them. I am known as incredibly intelligent, witty, and at times hilarious by everybody that I know, and am for the most part a pretty successful kid.

At the table I sit at there is this dreadful bitch of an entitled little hamster known by the name of Jessica. Jessica is not attractive, actually, what I and everybody I know would think to be unattractive. Jessica's a hardcore Tumblr Femi-Nazi that cry's and tattle's like a 1st grader on people that make jokes about girls, etc.

Also at the table I sit at is a girl named Allison, also a hardcore feminist; but what sets Jessica and Allison apart is that Allison is extremely attractive by most standards, and also likes my best friend Jacob, a 5'10 stud who has no courage or girl skills. Jacob is afraid of Allison and him being in a relationship for reasons unknown to me. (This part really isn't that important.

I routinely make fun of feminism and women straight up in front of them, being famous for making remarks such as "Your a female, your opinion is invalid." Or, my personal favorite. "Shouldn't your mouth be busy doing something else?"

Then they crossed the line. The big fucking red line of stepping out of the kitchen. Jessica fucking threw an apple at my head and promptly gave me a black eye. The only good thing about this situation is that everybody's still pissed at her and is on my side. What can I do? What are my options. And, most importantly, how can I make Allison make up for me what her bitch friend did to me during high school ;).

Question 2: What advice would you give my friend Jacob. Will give more details if little to any interest at all.