There is something deep inside that moves. It's that thing that you deny, you say "it was just a dumb feeling". It waits there, patiently. But no matter how hard you try, you can never get rid of it intellectually. You can cover it up for a long time, you can suppress it with all your might. But one day it will get too big, it will erupt. The manifestations are endless, addictions, fake personalities, ego-centric living, materialism...the list goes on. One thing that these things have in common is... you look for validation outside of yourself. "That is where I'll get it" you think. Or maybe you don't think it, but you just feel it. But everytime, although superficially you might feel pleasure, the deep satisfaction isn't there. And the thing starts moving, groaning. You keep rationalizing...

What is that thing? It is your subconscious. Your inner-child, intuition, whatever you want to call it. It is not a thing that is separate from you. In fact, it is you. You can get jacked, you can learn some social skills. But there is still something hold you back, from expressing your true, authentic self. Remember when you were a kid? For most of us everything just came out of you. There was no filter, no fake barrier to crunch and twist that spontaneous perfection. What happened?

"Don't do that Billy! That's not what you're supposed to do."

"Bad boy!"

"Good boy Billy, that's what mommy wants"

The shaming has begun. You ABUSE your inner self. It was wrong this whole time! Look how mommy gets mad and tells me I'm a bad boy, I should of never listened to you! You might not think this, but you felt it. You stopped the spontaneity, you started using your intellect to manipulate, so you get the desired reaction from your parent, teacher, or mentor. Then it spreads, you do this for friends, classmates...

Now you are a robotic, mechanical version of your authentic self. You try to get this deep satisfaction, this essence of life through the outside world, because you have forsaken your inside. But it's hard... it takes lot's and lot's of energy.

You notice Chad over there. He seems smug all the time, what an asshole. Look how girls are attracted to him, he doesn't even try. He just talks to them, they all flock to him. It must be his athletic build. You know what to do, use your intellect, see what he has and you don't! It must be the body. You go to the gym, and months later you are even more jacked than this Chad. As you proudly walk through campus... you notice you haven't been laid yet. Chad's over there with yet another chick.

Where exactly is the problem? Chad is not living a shame-based life as you are. You do everything because of this shame, and this shame in turn feeds off you feeding it. It's almost like a parasite. An imaginary parasite. Chad can let his authentic self flow freely from him. Girls are attracted to authenticity, because authenticity comes from someone who is not shame-based. Not being shame-based means you have frame. You have everything you need inside, you don't need to seek outside. Things from the outside seek you, because you have this inner well of life.

"How can I fix this? I want to fix myself!" This is exactly your problem, you want to fix yourself because you are shame-based. You think yet again, you will fix something outside and then you will get that satisfaction. You are again not understanding... this is inside. Forsake your clever brain, and start trying to connect with that intuition... your inner child.

Here, I'll help you get started:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmXGV65fRfs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnMuEX9zuEk