First off, I am not a professional fighter and Stipe Miocic or Jon Jones would beat my ass. However, I have been in more than my fair share of fights in my youth and have seen and separated hundreds in my role as a teacher, coach, and bouncer. First of all, avoid it if at all possible. I have seen winners lose by going to jail and then being fired when the news broke and even saw one guy at the bar beating the brakes off of an inebriated cunt only to have his knee irreparably damaged as the bouncers tried to pull him off. However, if push comes to punches here are a few tips.
Don’t be a sucker Sucker punches are very effective; generally because the sucker is unaware, has no time to duck, dodge or block. Even if you are about to walk away, keep your chin tucked and watch out. Last Saturday night I saw a guy (you know the type) who was angry that some dapper dude was giving his guarded mate undue attention. I saw his target hold up his hands in the universal signal of, “I don’t want no trouble.” Just as he turned away the jealous one struck him hard above the left eye. I wrapped the douche up and drug him out in the parking lot where two other bouncers watched him till the police arrived. The victim never saw it coming and left with a nasty gash in his eyebrow. On the flip-side, if you infer that you are about to be smashed by a beefy Neanderthal, a well-placed sucker punch might be your only option.
Grapple I could go on for days about wrestling, judo, sambo and BJJ and have dabbled a bit in each. You should be versed in some form of grappling. I have never done a longitudinal study, but most of the fights I have witnessed turned into a wrestling match and many ended up on the ground. A good wrestler can determine where the fight takes place. I saw a former high school wrestling star take down a notoriously mean biker who outweighed him by 80 lbs and ride him till security got there. I can tell you there are few things scarier than having a guy sitting on your chest and you can’t get away. Don’t be the guy on the bottom unless you have a good guard and a tight arm-bar.
Hands up As soon as you expect blows, get your fucking hands up, fist closed, knuckles above you temples. Be especially sure to keep your left hand high and tight. Fully 70-90% of men are right handed, and drunks are known to throw long lopping punches with that hand. Tuck your chin; duck your head, and move away from the blow often circling to your right.
Now it’s your turn.
To grapple or not to grapple A take-down might be your best option, especially if you want the plausible deniability of just holding someone down who just swung. However, this may not be the best option in crowded bars or if you expect his friends to join in. Or, maybe, you just want to throw hands … or feet.
Be a straight shooter I wish I could tell you how many time I’ve seen men, and women, sling looping hooks and hit nothing but air. Straight punches or controlled hooks are far more effective in most circumstances. I recently saw a thin thot dot the eyes of a hefty ho with good straight punches while the whale wailed away at nothing.
Boy Scout outlook If you don’t have a heavy bag, get one or go to a gym that does. A good striking workout is invigorating and instructive. If you’ve never studied a marital art, particularly a grappling one, do it. A real man doesn’t have to fight … because he chooses not to, not because he can’t.
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