My first college semester just ended and i'd like to reflect on how it went and would love some of your thoughts on any advice for the future.

Let me just say that it hasn't been easy. It hasn't been total shit, either. But so far, the whole idea of "college is gonna be the best time of your life!!" hasn't really come to fruition. Hoping that next semester I can make that become more of a reality.

First thing I had issues with is loneliness. Not really depressing loneliness or anything like that, but instead just a desire to have friends to do stuff with. This backfired hard when I realized I was being needy and asking tons of people I had barely met to hang out. Instead I changed up my approach to simply acting cordial to people, being chill, and adding social value when possible. After that, I made a lot more friends, which I believe mainly comes from the fact I wasn't degrading myself by begging people to give me their presence, but instead I was giving value and maintaining a solid frame of non-neediness by not overtly trying to seek friendship for the sake of being friends.

Then there was a girl I met through mutual friends who really fucked up my psyche and mentality, partly by my own doing. Long story short, we became friends, enjoyed hanging with eachother, but then when I made a playful jab at her for having a Tinder account, she freaked the fuck out and basically told me to fuck off because she 'wasn't interested' despite the fact that it was obvious that I didn't want to hook up with her (I even had a girlfriend at the time). I ruminated on the fact that she was projecting all this onto me, and broke frame big time by sending her this long emotional spiel about how I was sorry for 'overtly hitting on her' and I hope we can still be friends and all this other stuff. She didn't care at all.

I really felt like shit for a long time, and still do feel residual thoughts that I fucked up what was otherwise a good social circle by making a dumbass joke. On the other hand, I know she overreacted, and maybe it was a good thing she reacted that way sooner rather than later, because it was obviously a huge red flag. But I still can't shake the idea that I made her feel uncomfortable and shit and made her put our friendship into perspective by not even thinking about it.

Now I have far less friends because of it, and even though I understand abundance mentality, at this exact moment it feels like i'll never have another chance to become friends with someone who is chill like her. I feel like if I could go back and avoid saying that stupid shit id be way better off and everything would be fine.

Anyways, id appreciate your thoughts on it. I know I should just move on, and for the most part I have, its just im stuck in a mental rut where I feel like its all my fault for fucking the friendship up, and if anything id just do it again next time in the future.