The second chapter of Mike Cernovich’s book Gorilla Mindset outlines how he uses the power of self-talk to filter negativity from his mind. Self-talk is the ongoing conversation you have in your head with yourself. We talk to ourselves throughout the day, mostly making observations, plans, and solving problems, among other things. No one ever taught us how to talk to ourselves, we learned on our own. In today’s world of hyper stimulation our minds are moving (and thinking) faster and covering more content then ever before. Subsequently it is easy for negative thoughts to enter our minds, and extremely common for us to put ourselves down.

Mike begins the chapter by telling you to think of yourself as a close friend. If a close friend of yours came to you for sincere advice, how would you respond to him? Say his wife left him, or he failed a Chem exam, or he got into a slight fender bender on his way home from work. Would you tell him, “damn man your life is over,” or, “you’re a total idiot for letting this happen!” Of course not, but would you think it briefly to yourself? Perhaps you would. TRP teaches us not to associate with people who bring negativity like that into your life. It is important to “treat yourself like a treasured and trusted friend,”Cernovich says.

When Arnold Schwarzenegger trained for and won six Mr. Olympia titles in a row in the 1970’s, he used this kind of mindset to free himself of negativity and focus on his goals. “If someone steals my car right now, I don’t care. I can’t be bothered with that. All I can do is call the insurance agency.” Being overly dramatic about something is unhelpful. No one likes a drama queen, and acting based on your emotions is not an attractive trait in a man. Do you know anyone in your life that hysterically overreacts to everything? You probably try to stay away from that person, as you should. So if it’s clear to you relationships with people like that aren’t positive, talking to yourself in a similar manner obviously isn’t positive for your mental health.

To practice and improve your self-talk, you must be able to identify when you are engaging in self-talk. This seems easy; however, think about how often you talk to yourself throughout the day. It is one of the things we do on autopilot. How many conversations have you had that started off about something productive, and the next thing you know you’re thinking about something completely unrelated? Probably too many to count, and that’s part of life in our hyper stimulated world today. Mike outlines the following ways we can improve our self-talk once we’ve identified we are actively doing so:

1.\tTalk to yourself in a mirror.

Let it all out. Observe your facial expression and body language. Do you like what you see? Is this how you would talk to a close friend or family member in a time of need? Is this how you would want them to see you?

2.\tSay your thoughts aloud and record them.

Listen to them the following day. Realize how ridiculous you sound. Did you say to yourself, “my life is over,” or, “I’m so dumb?” Do you realize now that that was a lie? Often, negative thoughts we have to ourselves are lies. You wouldn’t lie to a close friend when helping them get through a tough situation, so don’t lie to yourself.

3.\tAsk yourself questions.

Think about this, are the things you’re saying to yourself insults you’ve heard from someone else that you’ve internalized? Are you attacking yourself for not living up to someone else’s standard, when all that matters is your own standard? That would be ridiculous. Further ask yourself, am I being a drama queen? Am I being a hateful person? Is this how I would help a friend in need? Answer these questions. Create a new conversation with yourself. This new conversation will be constructive and will allow you to learn from your mistake.

Changing your self-talk from negative to positive is the end goal of each of these techniques. Understanding self-talk, and gaining better control of it, will improve your mood, and subsequently your relationships. You will be more fun to be around. By not overreacting and insulting yourself you will find it easier to not overreact when dealing with others.