So, Ms Unskinny Bop, how old are you really?

24

Hmm. Ok.

What do you prefer to be called?

Mom of 4

Well. Okay. If you insist, Unskinny

How far can you walk before you get out of breath?

5'

Damn. You need to do something about that.

How many chins do you have btw?

3 since that matters

Oh, it matters to me. Give me a sec, I am trying to visualize that.

gag

Ok. Got it.

What do you do for a living?

Business owner

Do you always answer questions in such broad terms?

I can cook like no ones business

WTF does that have to do with anything?

Carole killed her husband

Bruh. It is "throw out a random brain fart" day or something? Because I did not get the memo.

Back the blue

Yeah, sad people need support. I am with you on that one.

What would you say is the most attractive thing about you?

Can't have no more babies

Yeah, I can see wh...

Psst.

What?

If you take me fishing I'll bait my own hook and string my own line

Dude. You are high rn aren't you. Who would even date an ass like you.

If you ain't ready for a whole ass family you better boot scoot and boogies your way outta here darlin

Damn! A whole family of asses?! That's a harsh thing to say woman! Are they all like you? Yikes!

BTW - I listened to your "Anthem" It comes off as a little manipulative. "If you leave me because I am an evil person, I won't even flinch, but you will hurt my family" No psychopathic red flags there or anything.

You ain't gonna get to know me by reading this

Dude, its YOUR anthem! FFS

and if I haven't scared you off yet hit me up.

crickets

Thanks to /u/CDBaller for the original