Possibly Failed Comfort Test

ronron4455 · 2017-08-11T14:07:11+00:00

I didn't want to deal with my wife's anger

your problem isn't rambo. It's that you're walking on eggshells, afraid of the lion tamers whip

And PROTIP. If you're a bitch who is scared of her, nothing she gives you will be a comfort test. It will mostly be condescension

[deleted] · 2017-08-11T14:35:33+00:00

Was my wife's breakdown a comfort test?

Sounds like it was a a little bit of both a comfort test and shit test.

Comfort tests usually begin with "I".

I no longer feel useful.

Shit tests usually begin with "You".

You act like you don't need me.

I think you did fine treating it as a comfort test, but you could have done better by being a bit more playful and tried to get her to laugh. When she said "you act like you don't need me" (shit test), a decent response would have been "Oh, you know I need you for some things..." (start taking off her pants to initiate sex).

She said my actions for the past few weeks have been bringing her down. I am confused on how to respond. It appears that it caused a lot of issues with her. Maybe its because I rambo'd?

No response is necessary. She made a statement, not a question.

You're only a month in and she is already noticing major changes with you. You are indeed going Rambo. Slow it down.

Should I have my wife start doing stuff for me again, like laundry? I don't feel like I should stop taking my kids out.

A good Captain doesn't take away the duties of his First Officer, but instead supports and assists when needed and takes the initiative to complete jobs that weren't already under control.

SMV is different, I do workout and my BF is decreasing, and I see more definition. She still the same. Could this be influancing her reaction, or too early to tell?

What does it matter? If the answer is yes, are you going to stop lifting and improving? You are still in her frame by asking yourself these petty, pointless questions. Focus on what your goals are, make methodical calculated steps towards reaching said goals, and then just simply STFU.

fuckmrp · 2017-08-11T14:56:00+00:00

You'll get some good advice about the other bullshit but I want to focus on one thing.

With all the things you are doing. You act like you don't need me.

This is not a bad thing. The person who needs the other the least has the most control. That said there's a difference between making her feel like you WANT her and you NEED her. Do you want a Machiavellian level of control over your marriage? Through ACTIONS continue to develop your life so she can be removed from the equation at anytime with minimal impact. At the same time continue to pursue her sexually and game her often. Given enough time and consistency she ~~will~~ may come to realize you do not need her, can replace her but are for some reason choosing her.

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-08-11T16:36:20+00:00

You are, by your admission, new to MRP. I get a giggle out of everyone that comes here, starts out, and fucks up. Like it's some big surprise.

Is there ANYTHING else you would endeavor to do, and seriously expect to NEVER make a mistake?

I'm beginning to believe that swallowing the red pill may be one of the toughest things a man EVER has to do.

Let's face it, we are talking about reprogramming our brains after 3-5+ decades of social conditioning, and doing it against the tide of that very conditioning today.

So your frame isn't perfect. So what?

You don't go to football practice, screw up a play, and quit the team.

You don't drive down the road, get a ticket, and give up your license.

Give yourself permission to fail. Successful people fail. They just don't quit.

Don't quit.

You are doing well with the self analysis, thinking about shit afterward is very useful. I fuck up all the time as I construct my new frame after 5 decades of beta programming. I look at my failure, understand it, and endeavor not to let it happen again.

NMMNG is excellent. You will improve your retention and make better use of the information more quickly if you do the exercises.

Make sure you visit ALL of the sidebar. Lots of nuggets to be mined there. Go to the WIKI in the beginner tab. Great stuff.

Kids are little shit testers. Sometimes they are just little shits! Do your best. Practice. At the end of the day, or month, if you are doing better week over month, call that a win.

Your wife's behavior looked mostly like a comfort test. But do not get pulled into her frame and try to fix HER problems. I only help my wife with HER shit when she specifically asks for help with something specific. Otherwise, she owns her own problems and emotions. It's when she tries to project them onto me that I AA, fog, AM.

You are doing well taking care of your own shit. If she WANTS to help, let her. My wife doesn't fold my clothes because I like them folded a certain way and put away very neatly. She is allowed to wash and dry, just not fold. It irritates her slightly. I told her I would be delighted to let her fold my clothes any time she was ready to learn how. "Workable compromise."

Your SMV is going up. Your wife is noticing.

You are operating in the dread levels.

Dread means "great fear or apprehension."

Perfect.

You don't need her for laundry or dealing with the kids. She is starting to get that you don't need her at all.

Perfect.

Now YOU can lead her to feel her true worth to you, the manifestation of what you want. And I'm guessing here, but that would be great sex and all that entails.

So when the comfort tests start, escalate them into great sexy time where she feels your desire, your passion, and finds HER worth giving herself to you in that moment.

So continue to build your frame, give yourself permission to fail, train your wife to be your slut.

Happy fucking.

470_2_700_nm · 2017-08-11T15:26:53+00:00

from her POV: if you need her... you NEED her... you understand?? Like you can't do without her.

she wants you to be a man who needs her. because otherwise, you would have to want her, and then she might have to work on being wanted... and that requires more effort than ironing a few shirts . And effort is scary. And she still wants to make sure you want her unattractive body. because how could her body not be better for you than looking at a hot younger woman?

get it?

470_2_700_nm · 2017-08-11T15:36:34+00:00

It's good to be more productive around the house with cleaning and ironing and crap. But that stuff in and of itself isn't alpha. Owning your life is alpha. So if you've been cold and distant while taking care of little things, your wife (or anyone close to you) will sense that and likely respond negatively.

Here's what I do if I get caught up in trivial tasks-- I stop and reevaluate if what I'm doing is really important to me. Like last night, I'm fixing my tent and my wife and daughter were just lying on the couch doing nothing. So I stopped, took them for a walk, and spent some quality time together. We looked like the fucking perfect family, but the time together was quality.

As for letting her do womanly tasks, I say yes! Let her be a wife. Shower her with praise for the little shit she does. Let her feel useful to you.

470_2_700_nm · 2017-08-11T19:26:44+00:00

"19.5% BF" - you are too fat - fix this. Make it your short term life mission to get less than 15% and even better, get to 12%. Then make it your mission to sustain this.

" I didn't want to deal with my wife's anger so I pulled the nice guy defense mechanisms and denied and lied about what happened." - This is not the MRP way. If you've read the sidebar, you have not internalised it.

"While I feel that I've been taking it slow, " - you either are or you are not. IDGAF about what you feel.

"So I explained why I am doing all these changes." - So here you are saying that you will do this to make it better for the family. WRONG WRONG WRONG. 1 ) YOU TALKED ABOUT FIGHT CLUB 2) YOU ARE DOING THIS FOR YOURSELF, YOU WOULD LIKE IF THEY CAN COME ALONG FOR THE RIDE, LIFE WILL BE BETTER THIS WAY. THIS IS BETTER IMPLIED THAN SPELLED OUT. But right now you are showing her how shitty you are in the way you lie about what happens. For all of what you have written, you are better to STFU and not make a total fuck up of things.

Regarding your questions:

I actually don't think it makes a difference, comfort or not. She can smell you are a little bitch.
Who cares. Look forward, stop caring about her so much and think about yourself. Get that body fat down to 12%.
You do what needs to be done. I don't think you are in a place anywhere close where you can begin to ask her to do things. Post back or PM me after you've been at 12% body fat for 6 months, and have refrained from loosing your shit at bedtime (been there done that, tough habit to break, but completely worth it for everyone's sake.)
Don't worry, just keep going. I'm actually not sure if you mean she is higher SMV or lower. Either way, get down to 12% and follow 5X5.

If you are lucky, my words will have stung a little and are helping you double down on continuing on. Don't Rambo. Don't lie. Be credible. Own your actions. When she accuses you of this, that, or the other, if you don't know what to do then STFU and reflect, do not respond.

Her problems are her problems. Fix you. She will follow. Or not.

Possibly Failed Comfort Test

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Title	Possibly Failed Comfort Test
Author	ronron4455
Upvotes	2
Comments	18
Date	August 11, 2017 1:47 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6t18w7/possibly_failed_comfort_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/possibly-failed-comfort-test.205692 https://theredarchive.com/post/205692