Hey there,

I'll keep it short. Had a FWB for 5 month lets call her A, went all blue-pill and told her i wanted a relationship, she said no, i said okay, bye. Deleted her on everything, didn't hear from her for approximately 2 months. Went on a party with a friend, met her there, went home with her and fucked her. Went home next day and 0 contact afterwards but I noticed my brain was fucked again a little. In the time between I had sex with a new chick and just recently i found another one that's down for FWB, lets call her B, and that I've hooked up with a couple times. Thing is, it's never as much fun with B as with A. I was hoping i would just need a to fuck to get over it, but I don't. The sex essentially is even better iwth B, shes always horny af and very submissive, yet i can't keep my mind from A. Now i know, so far this is just the standart post that shows up on this subreddit 10x per day. So let's get to the point. As far as i get it, the usual actions to be taken from here would be block, delete & move on. The issue is, I feel like with that I'm just running away from the problem. I can't "block" the way I feel or think. I'll not have her on my social media etc, great, but I WILL eventually meet her somewhere around town. And even if I don't, I don't want to suppress my feelings, i want to work through them and grow, develop. I tried to accept them, i tried to work through them, i tried to figure out where they come from. I feel like i'm just turning and turning. I've thought about just hitting her up so I will eventually hit rock bottom again (read an interesting post somewhere that essentially said "if you haven't suffered enough, your brain will not see why it should change, as it still withstands the pain"), but I'm 1. scared of hurting even more and 2. scared of turning even more fucking bluepill. I don't see how going beta buxx could help me progress but I also don't see how "faking" red pill behavior will make me grow when internally I'm still a little blue pilled bitch and i'm still dreaming of the perfect relationship. On a rational level I'm fully aware of how social dynamics work, it's the emotional part that doesn't want to accept it and I cannot figure out how to work on that.

Thanks for your patience. I'm interested to hear what you guys have to say about this.