First off; I don’t know if these self loathe stories are even allowed or appreciated here but I need to get this off my fucking chest. Tonight I learned a valuable lesson.

I’ll start from the beginning; About 1 1/2 years ago last summer I ran into TRP after watching RSD for a while. I fell in love at first sight and for like a year I was transforming all the time and fucking bitches.

However, this summer, I got a really intense bar tending job which led me to work like 200-250hrs per month. Great place to work if you want to fuck, but man the hours really zapped all my energy out of my private life. I didn’t take care of myself anymore. I stopped training, challenging myself, my lay rate dropped DRAMATICALLY and I just let myself go.

And today was the last drop. I had a girl over which I’ve seen throughout the summer at my workplace, we matched on tinder and decided to meet for the first time. Our convo was VERY flirty almost to the point where we could fuck over the phone. She has a reputation for being really dirty as well so we both knew going in to this that sex would happen.

I lit all my candles, cooked for her and had a good evening. But man... I have just let myself go. My sexual energy is nowhere. I can’t say anything sexual without it sounding weird. I can’t escalate, physically or in a conversation. And like the little beta bitch I am I spent an hour making my apartment cozy for her when this was all just a one night stand to be honest. And guess what guys. I tried to escalate like three times and got rejected all times. Cause in my head I’m more pleased with trying and failing instead of not trying and living with the what if thoughts anyways. I failed at something I wouldn’t even have to fight for, a year ago.

So a tip for you all guys. NEVER LET YOURSELF GO! Let’s get on the grind to become better. As of today I’m leaving the bitch bullshit behind me.