Right so this is a little bit of a drunk message and I'm sure if any comments what so ever I'm going to get a shed load of abuse but f**k it -

I'm a married man of 4 years with one beautiful child but I've been having somewhat of an emotional and physical affair over that last few year's with a work colleague. It all started when she came back from maternity leave and we hit it off with banter and flirting - one thing lead to another and we ended up f**king and telling eachother we loved eachother within the first year ... a small break happened for 2/3 months but basically on or off for the last few years up until tonight's message.

Now prior to hooking up with this work colleague (yes I know) I was advised hat she was a big flirt bag but I still carried on as full discloser - I've cheated before and flirted with many (I'm basically a good day but overall a right c**nt)

So there have been a few warning signs with our relationship - flirting with others in front of me to make me jealous... just generally being a flirt and sometimes ignoring or just not caring about how I feel ( please don't anyone think I'm a player... I full on think about this girl 24/7)

Anyway... we've been sat next to each other at work for the last two years which helped the flirting which we do though instagram chat and texting but apart from f**king twice and kisses /foreplay during work events (everyone knows about us ... even the love part... but presumes it's over now and we are just friends) we don't meet up.

I'm totally in to this girl and it's very much between the two of us... if it wasn't for the kids we would be together in text and person... however I don't actually think I could leave my wife (I'm a c**t remember) and dont believe she will leave her husband and that she's doesn't move me more then I love her (again I know - I'm fucked up).. so anyway....

I have recently starTed working at the downstairs office of our building and we swore we would make it work.. first week we did lunches and constant lovely dovey messages (which I love because I'm evidently a peice of work) but then his last week it's become more shut again really .. she's going on hols with her family on Monday and arranged a work night out to sneak off together tonight ... it got to 11ish and she saw a Friend that she knew.. a bloke with his mates... she went over which obv's is fine and I don't mind but spent an hour there.. I said I wanted to go and thought tonight was for us and she didn't want to go and asked me to give her an hour.... hence this message it Brought up warning sign's considering this was supposed to be for us and no real effort towards us but as I left I could see she was flirting with her friend (I say that but I'm a mess so duck knows) anyway...

Long story short in my drunken message is any advice? With her having two weeks off work and me liking working for Said company I will have to see her again (walking by the office and on Saturdays she's comes down to work) but I want to be able to forget about her and do the right thing by my wife because I'm a c**t but I couldn't leave my wife however I'm proper in love with this girl .. as in I'm sat here upset about the thought of not being me and her anymore and there thoughto of us not being us anymore. Any advice?

** I obviously expect a lot of abuse from this but I'm generally asking for some help here even though it may sound like I'm a pathetic mess