Anger management?

[deleted] · 2014-06-17T02:30:29+00:00

What exactly are you disagreeing on? You don't need to maintain frame when it comes to letting the dog out, or cleaning the dishes.

Frame would apply to more important issues, like her hanging out with an ex, or getting sloppy drunk at a bachelorette party.

Don't waste an argument on something that doesn't matter.

Also, as far as anger goes, there's no easier way to calm down then just walking away. Tell your wife "I just need ten minutes", and then go for a walk.

It immediately de-escalates the situation, and helps you focus on what matters.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2014-06-16T23:30:22+00:00

When i disagree with things my wife does, I have a difficult time maintaining frame.

This is like getting angry at a teenager. read the classic post "The Most Responsible Teenager In The House"

Your wife's opinions are OK for her to have, but not terribly mature most of the time. She going to push your boundaries and question your leadership. That's what teenagers do. It's done out of a deeper need for a secure frame.

Expect it to happen and plan your responses ahead of time. Plan to ignore her and change the subject. Plan to agree and amplify, visualize yourself doing this.

I think temper problems really have a lot to do with having a scarcity mentality. You see a relationship as somehow being a competition. You're afraid if things go badly then you'll be alone or you'll get rejected. but remeber that you can attrct another woman to replace her any time you choose.

The abundance attitude is amused mastery. You see through your wife's pushing your boundaries as simply an amusing childish quirk. Not like it's really a serious threat to you. When you see a kid throwing a tantrum in the airport does it bother you? No, he's just a kid.

So really, it's about having a sense of humor about your wife's arguments.

You're captain of your ship. If your wife doesn't want to do things your way, then simply don't involve her in what you're doing. Let her sit on the shore while you keep sailing ahead. Disregard her and let her do her own thing. "That's fine honey, but if you want to help me, X,Y, and Z need to happen. I'm busy right now, let me know when you're done with XYZ."

Title	Anger management?
Author	CapnZack53
Upvotes	4
Comments	3
Date	June 16, 2014 11:14 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/28bles/anger_management/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/anger-management.140329 https://theredarchive.com/post/140329

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