Anyone else here with an abusive upbringing?

Certifiedfamilylaw · 2017-01-29T18:18:20+00:00

Therapy

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2017-01-30T04:38:08+00:00

How do you deal with it?

Seek professional counseling, if you aren't already. This isn't something that laypersons on the internet have the knowledge and experience to deal with.

Personally I find it very hard to take, knowing that I'll never have parents who made me feel wanted and loved.

The only person who can love you unconditionally is yourself. Don't expect others to do it. Even the best, most well meaning parents' love comes with strings attached. This is part of being an adult.

Love yourself. Support yourself. Validate your own feeling, wishes, and decisions.

My childhood innocence and happiness was taken away from me at a very young age and I don't know how to cope with this.

Rather, you were prevented from moving on from the basic existential conflicts that young kids face.

Your parents were basically 4 years old themselves. Only, they had the intellect, basic knowledge, and bodies of adults, but the emotions and maturity of toddlers.

I feel completely alien and inhuman when around others, there's just something they have that I don't.

Scarcity Mentality.

You may have a unique perspective from other people. But nobody can rob you your basic humanity except yourself.

What you feel isn't that different from what everyone else feels.

The goal of abuse is really to convince other people to dehumanize themselves. Because abusers are completely blind to their own humanity can't accept weakness in themselves, they can't recognize it in others. So like children, the unknowable is deeply disturbing to them and they work hard to destroy it.

There's just something missing, and the older I get the more I realise that it will never be there.

You mean, your fear is that you're really no different from your dad?

Sociopaths like him don't have the ability to self evaluate. They can't experience the idea that something might be fundamentally missing in their mind and personality.

You do, and that's a major key.

What you feel is somehow missing is not something parents can provide for kids. No amount of love or support will do so. At best they can only model it indirectly, teaching by example.

That's not something that's tangible which is missing: it's an idea and belief. Ideas and beliefs can be destroyed or created at will, with effort. What is required is the tenacity to challenge and redirect one's own beliefs.

To say that it will never be there is just another way you're trying to deny your own humanity, by proxy.

omlettefag · 2017-01-29T18:43:18+00:00

Counselling/Therapy. They'll help you get into a better mindset. Focus on improving yourself.

No one on askTRP here is a mental health expert. Please don't take the advice of the kids that hang out here and get yourself some counselling sessions.

Title	Anyone else here with an abusive upbringing?
Author	theredpill22
Upvotes	0
Comments	3
Date	January 29, 2017 5:50 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5qv00s/anyone_else_here_with_an_abusive_upbringing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/anyone-else-here-with-an-abusive-upbringing.81585 https://theredarchive.com/post/81585

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