Ok, not actually at the very beginning but in my first period I was definitely better, more motivated and uplifted. A lot of things happened and I'm trying to figure out why, with your help too. If you want.

I swallowed the red pill now 4 years ago: it was hard since I came from a very religious family that heavily bluepilled my mind in my early childhood. I didn't had also the best parents in the world so they raised me full of traumas and I've been through years of therapy: now I'm 22 and I met my first therapist at the age of 13 but the real journey begun when I was 18....and, most importantly, I did everything in my hometown, a small one with barely 60.00 inhabitants.Brief introduction finished.

When I started I was obviously more traumatized than now, deeply scared to talk to every woman but at least I committed myself to going out 3 to 4 times at week.Every night, doesn't matters how many rejection I took, I was super happy and exited about the few positive reactions that I was achieving 'cause they were totally new.As Tyler said in a vid "I you suck with women you have to know it, so, at least, you are going to feel good even when you are achieving a little".

Since then I've followed a lot of different programs without really sticking to one in particular, I was jumping here and then between all these different "schools" and maybe I get a little bit confused but at least I had some results: after 7 months I met a 6,5 girl with whom I lost my virginity and did a lot of sex and experience, then 4 months later I met another one and after this last I met the "mantis" that literally ripped my heart.I did plenty of sex with everyone of these but, especially with the last one, that was a nymphomaniac heavily weed smoker.I saw the horror but in few months I came out of it stronger than ever.I had some good sex with other girls and, according to my studies' necessities of time, I went into an LTR. It was good and finished smoothly, without pain. Now I'm single since 1 year and a half but I still struggle to find the original drive and optimism. I achieve and I sill have a lot to do but for the most the problems are not my skills, that are quite good, but the fact that I always discourage myself for every little mistake because, you know, "I'm in there since so many years, why I still suck at it?"

How can I do to find the motivation to go out there and begin again?
Things like "Hey man, just chill, you only need to start over optimistically without complaining too much about yourself. Be patient." didn't really help. I hate soo much going out without being as good as I would.

I dunno why, maybe I saw too much of this horror to be happy about picking up chicks.

Thanks