Ill try to make this short, but for the past 3 years i was in a LTR (first 2 solid, last on and off) when we first met it was amazing I was bending over backwards to see her smile, at first she got really clingy and it kinda scared me, she started saying things like I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with you, get married to you, have kids with you blah blah and eventually the more i thought about it it became something i wanted as well. for about 3 months we tried to concieve, she would take pee test after pee test infront of me and when it came out negative she would start balling her eyes out, and then it finally happened she was pregnant and when she took the test and it came out positive she was Happiest i had ever seen her, everything was good and about 6 weeks into her pregnancy she all of a sudden went crazy bipolar, her friends and parents wanted her to get an abortion which totally fucked with me because I was so excited and I dont believe in abortion she knew that and promised me before we even questioned trying she would never abort if we somehow ended up in this situation, she eventually broke our engagement and got the abortion I drove to her house balling my eyes out begging her to change her mind and she almost did later she was in the hospital and I showed up to support her, I was across the room from her Dad who was a marine he was an alpha but those 5 hours of watching them butcher my son made me lose all my kindness towards him, eventually he had to leave and someone had to watch over her she wanted me to and as soon as he left she cried telling me she regretted it and wished she never broke our engagement. I then became super depressed and suicidal I was the first son on both sides of my family and my son was supposed to be a huge deal. I struggled, i was super weak during this time and she left me and went and hooked up with a bunch of guys then came running back and I was so week I took her back over and over again being some cuck. I started to get somewhere in life I guess, I started going to college I got my own place, I had everything you could ask for and more, so of course she came running back and by this time she had hooked up with six different guys since we had been off and on which totally fucked with me, I became so cold I couldnt be without her but I wasnt really there when i was with her, I couldnt even look at her majority of the time I was so bitter. about half a year ago she finally left me again and Mostly my own fault but shes moved on to some neckbearded red neck and she seems pretty happy hes a downgrade unless he has a horsecock or something lol but hes pretty ugly. these past six months have been pretty rough and I dont really know how to fix it, I still love her and I probably always will, im afraid that I always will. Im a very handsome guy even when im out of shape, I always pretty much look in shape, I was always faster and stronger than everyone else so when I was in highschool I was pretty competative, I dont have an issue with getting other girls, they pretty much throw themselves at me, I take after my father who probably has the most game than anyone I've ever met, I am not too close to my father but I talk to him, he gives advice like fuck everything and smoke pot, but I dont want to do that, I've had naked girls in my bed and i couldnt even get myself to have sex with them I found myself spending an awkward night with my back turned to a 10 several times. I am a natural at pretty much everything and If i put effort into anything I can get it done, I've just lost all my drive, and with this oneitis I'm obsessing over her and new boyfriend. I don't really want things to workout with her because I have atleast some pride, I also cant really get myself to get out there. From most of the stuff I've read on TRP you basically can't be weak around your LTR which isnt what i want either, i want someone whose there for me at my weakest, someone who actually still wants me at a low point like where i am now. I want my ex but know if I take her back I'm basically telling myself im worthless. So im stuck here and idfk what to do.