Hello,

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I am posting here because my post keeps getting deleted in other subreddits and I seriously feel like I have nowhere to turn.

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I am a college student who had a formal school sexual conduct investigation done on me due to an incident 2 years ago and have already beaten the case but am still harassed and slandered by the accuser to this day.

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In September 2016, I was drinking with some friends on campus and went back to my apartment with a girl who was drinking with us. I made her food and offered a massage to which she agreed. Afterward, she suggested we go to my bed and she engaged kissing and performed oral sex on me prior to attempting to have penetrative sex but since I was quite drunk I could not achieve an erection. She attempted several more times to have me achieve an erection but ultimately it didn't work and we just went to sleep.

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We were good friends for 2 years after the incident and she'd even accompany me to concerts and shows, stay over at my place, and smoke/drink together. Nothing sexual ever happen in the span of those two years as I began dating a different girl.

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In January 2018, she confronted me over text accusing me of raping her which I was perplexed at. I said that I denied ever doing such a thing since she engaged everything but her defense was that I should have known she was drunk and taken her to her place instead of to my place and letting any sexual activity happen. She destroyed my social life on that day as well by telling my girlfriend I was a rapist (who then broke up with me) and telling all my friends that I was a rapist (several of whom ostracized me).

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In May 2018, she filed a police report which got routed to the school and a formal investigation was conducted on me which included witnesses such as my roommate who was in the apartment prior to sexual activity, my ex-girlfriend who spoke to the accuser (the accuser told her that she brought a condom and engaged sexual activity but it was my fault for not stopping her), and one of the accuser's friends who I tried to clear my name with.

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In February 2019, the investigation ended with me receiving no punishment with the following findings:

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The investigator found the Complainant was not incapacitated as defined by the SVSH Policy. The Complainant told the investigator she felt intoxicated due to the amount of alcohol she drank, “dissociated” from her body, and “was not able to comprehend what wanted.” In her written statement, the Complainant further explained that she told the investigator she remembered only snippets of the event and was unconscious for most of the situation because she could not recall everything that happened during the incident. She argued that a person cannot fully understand the fact, nature, or extent of sexual activity if they are going in and out of consciousness.

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At the same time, the investigator stated in the report that the Complainant directly told him she “understood what was happening” at the time of the incident. Further, the investigator found several instances of the Complainant clearly describing her behavior and mindset during the incident, including stating that she initiated oral sex with you. Even with the discrepancies between the Complainant’s impact statement and the findings in the report, the investigator correctly described that, under the SVSH Policy, incapacitation requires the Complainant to be unable to understand the fact, nature, and extent of the sexual activity, rather than being intoxicated or drunk. As such, I accepted the investigator’s finding that the Complainant was not incapacitated.

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The investigator also found you reasonably believed the Complainant consented to sexual activity. The investigator found that although both parties had been drinking alcohol and you were aware of this fact, the record supported that the Complainant understood the fact, nature, and extent of the sexual activity. The investigator found that a reasonable person in the Respondent’s position would believe that a person initiating oral sex, undressing and helping undress the other party, asking for a condom, and rolling the condom on your penis was consenting to sexual activity. The investigator further noted that the Complainant stated to him that she was “physically showing that consented”.

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I was very relieved to hear this but the issue with accusations like this is that people seldom seek out the truth and still brandish me as a rapist. Furthermore, the accuser is now creating a film/event about how I am a rapist and is asking other Women of Color to support her by giving their stories.

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I feel tremendously helpless and anxious because I am still suffering consequences for no wrongdoing on my part and am still being slandered.

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I try asking people what to do and if I should sue and I get back responses like "suing is the most caucasian thing you can do" and my parents say "you should just be glad it's over".

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I would like to know if there are any resources or organizations which can help people in my position.

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Thanks so much for reading.