Occasionally, maybe once a month, I have these days where I just can't find the strength to get out of bed. I call them black days. Everything in my life looks so bleak and depressing, I just want to roll over and die. Ill ignore all social contact completely (phone, messages). This lasts for at least half the day. I generally listen to depressing music and just stare at the ceiling. In those moments I want nothing more than to just fall asleep and never wake up again.

After some time, generally a few hours at least, its like something clicks with me. I have a shower, groom myself, eat, do some exercise and I feel ok again. In fact, even more driven and motivated than I was before the day happened. Is this a normal thing to go through?

There's a history of mental illness on my mother's side of the family, my mother is bipolar and my aunt has paranoid schizophrenia. I've been on meds before but I hate them and I feel like they just numb my feelings completely.