Like many of you guys here, I used to be bluepill and/or blackpill

I didn't know any better, there is a lot I did during that phase but this is an inquiry forum so I will not be telling that story today.

Long story short, the bullshit I used to do still haunts me and I think aboutall the potential plates that I ended up fumbling due to my own incompetence, almost to the point of obsession. Still keep my redpill composure though.

The thing is, I don't actually care about the girls that I lost due to my bluepill/blackpill phase. Its the fact that they're just the mark of my failures of the past. And I seem to be unable to get over the uncomfortable thoughts of the failures of the past. Like I just wish I could go back in time and take the redpill route instead of the autistic shit I did. Even when I keep working myself and pulling potential plates left, right, up, down, everywhere. I still can't get over my failures. Kind of like when you accidentally waved back to someone who was waving to someone else back in 2013 and you end up remembering it randomly well you're working out in 2020.

In summary: How do I get over this feeling?