make a habit of pushing personal boundaries. If I think of doing something and find myself becoming anxious about it I make sure to do it because I know the more exposure I get to those sorts of scenarios the less anxious I will get. That might be disagreeing with someone when I could have let it go, being confrontational (though not violent) if I feel someone is trying to work me, and of course being more confident and sexually-oriented in my dealings with women.

What I really struggle with in these situations are unconscious, uncontrollable physical reactions. Sweaty palms, tense muscles, a busy mind, and - especially - nervous shaking. The shaking really pisses me off because I feel so pathetic. Scared children shake, I am a young Man (22)! These physical reactions really messes with my ability to think clearly and rationally, and lead to a downward spiral of loss of self control in the situation. I know people can perceive these symptoms - consciously or unconsciously - and that makes me more anxious because they can see I'm terrified of the situation, and I know they have all the power.

The example that has caused me to write this: There is a very attractive girl (as evidenced by the amount of male attention she receives in comparison to her female colleagues) who I work with, and when I first met her several months ago she was showing a very high interest level with a bunch of "please seduce me" indicators. The most adorable of these was, when we were walking towards each other in a hallway, she would switch over to my side. I wouldn't move and she would theatrically look down at the floor and "submit" to me by moving over. Some would say this was a shit test but it felt much more like her flashing her submissive nature at me (she also once told me - literally - she is quite a submissive person). I decided to pursue her as I am leaving the company soon and I need the practice. But any conversation I have with her that is not on professional terms, all the physical reactions kick in and I have my foot in my mouth. I am (I think) visibly anxious and scared. Scared is an accurate word here - my reaction is exactly the same as fight-or-flight.

There was one interaction when I was alone and she came over to chat, and caught me in a particularly good, meditative mental state, and the conversation was great and very sexual, she was laughing and playing along and we spoke for about 10 minutes before I started to become anxious.

Needless to say over the past few months my anxious symptoms ruined all interactions with her and her interest level has fallen to zero. I decided to stop engaging with her in any context other than professional as I know that I have shown way too much of my beta side and slipped too far into her frame.

My interactions with guys are better. I find it much more natural to be confrontational, standoffish and assertive in discussions with my male colleagues, friends, and even strangers or people I hardly know. Eventually the same symptoms creep back in and I have to remove myself from the situation so I can become physically calm.

I do meditate routinely. If I'm lucky I'll meditate in the morning and be in a good place mentally for the rest of the morning. However, when I feel anxiety creeping in during a conversation, I don't know how to transition to a more meditative mental state.

There are two things that I know relieve the physical symptoms - tensing all my muscles up and sort of "thrashing around" and, if I'm alone, screaming at the top of my voice. That sort of intense physical release brings my mind out of the fine-grained analytical anxiety and into the physical here-and-now. I can only do these after the situation though, usually out of frustration.

I know that eventually, however long it takes, this phase will pass. I believe that the major issue I have when talking to women is that my brain is busy analytically cross-referencing what they are saying & doing with all my knowledge of game and seduction, and I can't keep up with the natural flow of the conversation. I think as I practice game more, more of it will become subconscious default behaviour and my brain will be calmer.

There is no 'one question' for this post but I am hoping this resonates with someone with a similar experience who could offer some advice for improving myself in these situations.