Me 32m, about 6 months ago was fairly close to proposing and starting a family with my 31F LTR of 8yrs( reluctantly through pressure from family and friends though) already had a house together, until i started an affair with a co worker 29F.

About 3 months into the affair i broke it off with the LTR due to a feeling of extreme guilt and the inevitability of her finding out and ruining her.

I dont know why but for some reason i have always had a wandering eye for other women ever since the begining of the LTR and acted out on a number of occasions but never did affairs though.It seemed i was just rolling through the motions in the LTR. I am still seeing this co worker 29F probably say once a week , she is a party girl who loves to drink all the time and admitted to cheating on her previous boyfriend ,she has expressed her feelings of really liking me a number of times and ive kind of just said im not ready as i have just come out of an LTR , she asks me to come out partying with her all the time but mainly turn her down as i dont want it to affect my gym routine, So last weekend i turned her down again to go out drinking and she said she wouldnt ask me to do anything with her again , this is the last i have heard from her in 5 days , she gives me the cold shoulder at work and give only the bare minimum work talk. In the past 5 days for some reason i have developed some severe oneitis that i cant even sleep at night anymore. I dont know how this happened as i really wasnt even into her much before this and i know she is not a good option long term, It seems when she gets the angry with me and doesnt text anymore i just start liking her ten times more. I would appreciate any advice on how this has snowballed to this and what to do to mitigate this in the future