Hello all,

I don't post often, so be prepared for the wall of text below. I need some perspective on my subjective reality.

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For context, I am a 25M living in Southern California. I've lived my entire life as the typical "Beta Billy". I was always enamored by the Disney notion of a soulmate, thanks in part to my dad who drilled it into my head. Thus, since age 17, I've spent the majority of my youth relationship hopping from one unhealthy woman to another. BP chicks seemed to be my go to, as I always felt they were a project that needed my saving. The catalyst for my BP discovery, was when my BP gf of 8 months decided to break up with me after attending a music festival. She won't admit it, but I know she cheated on me her "friend". This led to a year long, post undergrad depression where I basically hit rock bottom. I was heavily into drugs, had an unruly friend group, and worked in a restaurant. Thankfully, I stumbled across TRP before things got worst.

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Fast forward to today, and I've undergone a complete metamorphosis and really turned my life around. Its been one year since I discovered TRP and its been a true awakening. I cut out all drugs, drinking, and porn and went monk mode hard to get my mind straight. I paid off all of my student loans and have set up an aggressive savings plan and budget. I mediate habitually for 10-30 min daily. I moved out of my shit hole apartment with an ex-fraternity bro into a gated 2 bd that is a 2 minute walk from the beach. I cut out some toxic friendships and am now looking to expand my social circle with more driven individuals. I got the balls to final holiday out of the country and visited Costa Rica with some friends and attended a tequila tasting tour in Guadalajara, solo. I got my first corporate job working as a client service/ops associate at a large Broker/Dealer. Its not my ideal job, as I'm pursuing the CFA (L2 Candidate) to pivot into a research or financial analysis role. However, my all in salary is 70k and it gets me some exposure to the financial services industry. I also got a job bar tending on the weekends, where I basically get paid to run game on girls. All in pre-tax salary between both jobs is 120k. I've begun to lift religiously and am now 60 lbs away from my goal of hitting the 1000lb club. As far as gaming goes, I've plated and closed several HB9s and even had a threesome with the hottest girl I've ever fucked and her almost equally stunning married friend (sorry not sorry). Hell, my coworkers at the bar, have nicknamed me Chad. The irony. I feel that I now see through the matrix and am actually building up to something greater. I've come along way but am still far from reaching several of my most prioritized goals:

-Pivot into financial analysis or fixed income/equity research

-Break $100k/yr salary before I'm 30

-1000lb club

-Start a side hustle or business

-Hold a board of directors seat of my families non-profit

-Start investing in real estate

-Learn martial arts (Muay Thai or Jiu Jitsu)

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The funny thing about all of this though, is that I never really had trouble getting laid prior to TRP. I am 6'3, good looking and always managed to pull 6s & 7s with ease. In community college and 4-year, I could easily talk to anyone, had access to many social circles, and had great success with dating apps. Although I was consistently in and out of relationships, my relationships were either open or I easily found a new sex toy while on a break. My n count prior to TRP was 30, which consisted of LTRs, HB8s and the occasional fatty (my research has shown they give some of the best head). It was only when I got into an LTR, was gaming an HB8+, or found a woman I really liked, that I would falter into Beta habits and go full "Nice Guy". But all in all, I had no concept of SMV and the old saying "ignorance is bliss" rang true to my game.

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Anyways, fast forward back to today and I've hit a wall with RP concepts. Since my discovery of TRP and AWALT, I've come to terms with the idea that chasing women is fleeting and if I want to consistently plate model tier/HB9s with little effort, I need to maximize my income. Thus, I have immersed myself in self-improvement and maximizing my income and career growth. My ideal plan is to quite bar tending and move into my desired role with a salary just north or south of $100k, then focus my spare time on learning a new trade or performing due diligence on several business ideas I've been sitting on. I've also been heavily networking within and without my company to find my next role. Obliviously, my focus has shifted from women to career. However, I never though I would fall back into a beta mindset and go through such a dry streak. Since age 19, I don't think I've gone longer than 3 months without sex. Now, I'm hitting 4 months and am feeling antsy. It's as if coming to realize all aspects of SMV and how far my income is from the top 20%, has caused a digression in my confidence. "So what if I'm 6'3, have a great body, and good game. I'm not making +200k/yr and still work in a bar".

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I just wanted to get some perspective from the community which has already given me so much. Has anyone else hit a wall with TRP? Are my goals and expectations unrealistic? When pursuing improvement and perfection, how do you deal with feelings of being inadequate? Is this all mental bullshit and me hamstering myself out of pursuing model tier/HB9s?

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TLDR: Was a beta my whole life and never had trouble getting laid. Now that I've graduated college and am RP aware, I feel like I've hit a wall. I'm focusing on maximizing my income, which has led me to feelings of inadequacy, when I realize how far I am from my goals. How do I deal with feelings of imperfection, when pursuing self-improvement and perfection? How do I break my dry spell? Where to go next in terms of improving SMV?