For the past few months I've been seeing a therapist and cleaning out a lot of shit. Its emotionally tiring on the worst of days, extremely motivating and energizing on the best. I've learned how to reframe certain ways I think about myself. For instance, I've always seen myself as a lazy person but realized that this isn't true at all. I actually have a very good work ethic when it comes to things I actually stand for or take pride in, my laziness has always applied to my education which is something forced upon me by a family which, in retrospect, has put extremely high expectations on me from the moment it was apparent that my IQ is just below the line of what they call 'gifted'. Despite this, I became an underachiever paralyzed by doubt and anxiety when it comes to applying myself to anything considered 'on the road to success'.

One of these issues concerning reframing, which pertains to my question to the TRP community, has to do with my constant daydreaming. I always framed it as 'excessively worrying about stuff' which prevents me from kickstarting my day or falling asleep properly at night. In actuality, its more elaborate and bombastic fantasies that go through my head than worrying about things. These fantasies can range from downright childish, fantastical and impossible scenarios to more realistic settings such as being interviewed, performing on stage or, of course, strategizing over women. It starts in the morning, when I sit in the shower for a minimum of 30-45 minutes until something compels me to turn off the hot water and begin my day with 10 unfilfilled fantasies of vengeance, glory and love having already drained me of mental energy. It often ends with the same, albeit lying in bed rather than in the shower.

Simply put, a large portion of my day is spent not being 'present' in reality, with my head somewhere high in the clouds where I don't want anyone to reach me. Perhaps out of fear and anxiety, perhaps out of a creative compulsion that needs a more proper outlet than I currently have in the arsenal of my habits. This daydreaming of mine in itself causes a fair amount of lethargy and anxiety, since I beat myself up when I've spent a day not being productive in the slightest. I'm no stranger to energetic momentum when it comes to fitness goals or intellectual enthousiasm, but my mind always seems to whip me into passivity after varying periods. It makes me unhappy, inconsistent and demotivated.

I was wondering if anyone in this community feels they resonate with this and could possibly provide me with tools, or rather small attainable goals to train myself to feel like I'm grounded in this reality where I have two feet on the ground and a firm grip on my balls. I've often tried meditating, but long-term consistency is a problem for me as I've mentioned and it didn't seem to be doing much to alleviate these chronic bouts of dark thoughts and pitch-black cynicism that cripple me.

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Many thanks to this community for what it has done for me so far in the past two years, by the way. I mean, fuck you as well for being responsible for me never being able to return to easy-mode, but thanks.

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-Tripletag