I feel more like I need to get it out of my chest and I do not have any other place to turn to.

I left my home country to study abroad when I was 18, right after high school, in a country that has no tuition fee (main reason) and there are plenty of opportunities after finishing my study program (January 2018). Yet I had no luck finding a part-time job, which could prove as a great financial source (my friends talked directly to their bosses and still they did not even want to invite me for an interview) so I had to relay on my parents help.

I also have a history with visits to psychologists since I was 6, no medication given, and I experienced some bad episodes of depression since coming here but decided to not seek help due to potential high-cost of a consultation.

I took the pill a few months back after realizing I need to change in order to not regret it later and went monk mode. I've lost about 11 kg in one month and a half mostly through diet, I stopped wasting my time playing video games, focused more on improvement, went out more to search for jobs and stopped thinking about negative stuff in general.

And yet, the bad thoughts and the fear of not becoming independent are still here. I realize I am missing the start of my 20's without my friends, as we get to see only twice per year. The memories and feelings are the same but I am here and they are there. The same goes for my parents, as I feel I am slowly breaking them apart and cannot help them with anything.

Next week I will talk with a study counselor with a background in psychology, maybe I will get some answers. Until then, i have my goals listed on my desk, I am still going to gym, have fun with my friends here and do well at my internship/studies. But the bad thoughts are coming back slowly and I feel like I will be stuck forever in this loop.

If you had a similar situation, what was the thing that got you moving?