I've been beta. I have been making myself act like caring, friendly and sweet but I never meant it. I thought I did but I did not. In reality, I was just acting. I was over-doing it. People were understanding that I was trying hard. I was trying hard for validation. I used not like accept myself so I seeked people to accept me. I'm changing that. Back to topic. If I let myself be who I am, if I just do whatever I want, I would be a very unfriendly dude. I wouldn't give a fuck about anything. I would go on my way. I would sometimes hurt people. When I was a kid and behaved freely, I hurt people around me without noticing because I was very impulsive and possesive. I'm still impulsive and possesive but I try to cover it, I repress those urges.

When I was religious, I was dying to do good. Now, I do not believe in doing good. I don't care what is gonna happen to world after when I'm dead. I think "making the world a better place" is bullshit. But I care about people enough to not hurt them because I value justice. I probably shouldn't. What I'm saying is I don't see direct purpose of being more sweet, caring, friendly and respectful to people. I don't want to do it because it is benefitial, I want to do it because I want it. Am I mistaken in my view?

TLDR: In terms of my body language and my personality, I want to be more sweet, caring, friendly and respectful because I want to. Can you suggest me ways to practice and create those qualities in my personality?