Allow me to preface this by noting that I am not doing this from my actualy account, for obvious reasons. If me posting this is against any of the rules, by all means delete it. i truly am here to ask for help, though.

So, me. I'm a twenty seven year old nobody. My appearance isn't satisfactory to women or to myself. I'm not 6 feet tall, which I can't help. I'm not fit, which I'd like to change. On my best day, I'm 120 lbs of non-muscle. I have bad teeth because I didn't brush well when I was a kid. I'm jobless. In fact, I've never had a job. I know, I'm a loser. I dropped out of high school, not because I am stupid. I got good grades in all except math class, I just couldn't handle the stress of it all. The last time I had sex was years ago. The last time I dated, I was nineteen. I got engaged to her, admittedly way too young. She cheated on me, broke my heart, and then dumped me. Yes, she dumped me after cheating on me. I lurked her social media accounts for weeks afterwards and watched her friends and her make fun of me. Publicly. She pawned my engagement ring. I felt dejected. Now, I'm not blaming her solely for breaking me, I did a lot of that on my own, but I feel like this is where it all started. From there, I alone allowed it to snowball out of control. If you've ever seen the movie Office Space, the part where the psychiatrist has the guy shut his mental "give a fuck switch" off is how I would best describe what I did. I stopped caring. I allowed myself to lose any muscle I had. I stopped interacting. I barely go out at all now for fear that I will face rejection. That's why I don't have a job. I'm afraid. I can't even go to the grocery store without sweating bullets for fear that women and men alike are looking at me and thinking "Look at that fucking beta loser." And I am. I am a beta. But I want to change that.

Now for my good points.

  • I am not a stupid man. I have a larger than average vocabulary and I am very articulate.

  • As a teen, I was manipulative, I used my charisma to get what I wanted, from whom I wanted. But all that is gone now. I want to learn, and I am willing to learn.

  • I have a whole lot of knowledge about various things, though mostly technology. I'm no programmer, but I can hold my own in conversation.

  • I have a wide interest in music of all types. I know it isn't much, but this is what I've got.

I want to be that guy who throws caution to the wind. I want to be able to have a woman scoff at me and be able to brush it off instead of hiding. I want to be happy and healthy, physically and mentally. I will read, I will listen, I will take out the pen and paper and take notes. Please help me fix my life. I feel like I can't get any lower. My family barely acknowledges me anymore, let alone respects me. Furthermore, I don't respect myself. I need direction.

Thank you for listening.