Need some advice lads, hope you’re all keeping well.

I believe my issue is that I’m still deriving validation from women as opposed to being comfortable with myself. I wanna learn how to be okay on my own and not derive validation from women. The best example I can give you is that I often catch myself thinking about how great my life will be once I manage to hook-up and LTR the 10/10s and the crem de la crem that everyone lusts after.

This is something that has become more apparent in my thoughts after a hard breakup at the start of the year. Maybe it stems from a need for revenge? Long story short, I was being walked all over by a plate I tried to LTR, who continually broke her promises to me. She ended up kissing a guy I knew on a night out, with someone that I don’t even know telling me about what she did. She tried to grind on me 20 mins after it happened when she found me upstairs so I left and I blocked her and lived in the gym for 2 months. Came back to socialise and ended up hitting up a friend of a friend. Me and this new plate hit it off fast and furious. She took me to new clubs, bars, raves. All expenses paid. The future was looking bright. However, the new plate gets me to cut off all my other plates, thus giving her exclusivity she wanted, something I was trying to vet and trickle down. This leads to comfortability from both of us and eventually the sex begins to diminish as she begins her narrative of that she hasn’t been happy for a while and that I don’t listen to her and things are stale... I’m sure you know how the rest of the story goes.

She’s now ingrained herself in my circle and we spent the next month bickering and being petty towards each other. She watches all my social media and tries to be best mates with all my boys and girls. Luckily, I’m one of the de-facto heads of the group and don’t invite her to anything. Works well as the rest of the group stops inviting her whenever they host events. She continues her rampage and begins posting everyday on Instagram, probably to show that she don’t need me and can get anyone she wants. This really stung me as she was never like this before, even when I didn’t know her that well when she was a friend of a friend. But then again AWALT? Eventually, enough is enough for me and I mute her all on socials. The lack of explanation she gave for ending things still eats at me but what can you do I suppose? If she really wanted to be with me, she would. Maybe she got the ick? Who knows?

Ever since though, my mindset hasn’t been the greatest. I’ve stopped thinking of ways to get her back but I’m still thinking of ways to one up her. I’ve got a lack of abundance due to quarantine and moved back home from uni now. Doesn’t help that I check her socials from time to time and I’d be lying if I said the oneitis has disappeared. She added me back to her private story to see a rather sultry pic she uploaded. Funny that. I’ve stopped watching them now, no need to hurt myself and no need to give her free attention.

Anyways I didn’t believe my mindset to be an issue as what self respecting man doesn’t want the hottest wife or smokeshow girlfriend? However, upon reflection, I can see how detrimental a mindset like this can be. I should be happy with the way I am, look, dress, smell etc, because I want that for myself not because it will get me the best girls.

I guess what I’m trying to say is how do I change my current mindset?