First let me say that I'm bipolar so my highs feel really high, and my lows.. well really low.

Long story short got dumped 3 months ago for turning beta (got my first girlfriend in the middle of my TRP transformation). Slowly tried crawling myself but it's been hard since I see her everyday due to work. Anyhows a month ago I found out that within 2 months after breaking off my ex initiates a FWB relationship (her idea) with a long time crush of her and gives him her virginity. Which got me depressed since I thought we were in a serious relationship and she's all "evangelical virgin" well now...

I always wanted a family, get married at 28-31. Have a son to spin in the air, and play with a daughter's hair. I chalk my want for it due to my want for stability which stems from my own family being pretty much stable, and your stereotypical "happy traditional family" (parents were virgins, both parents working but dad being the breadwinner, strong morals, big family reunions etc..)

With that said, I'm a virgin myself so I want a virgin wife. So hearing her just throw it away like that and knowing the chances of me meeting another virgin in this day and age. Sunk me into a hell of low despite my medication. We still texted each other every now and then so I was hoping to get back together (though obviously not ever happening).

I've seen my shrink, hangged out with close friends, family, continued doing my hobbies while picking up new ones, treated myself to really fancy meals, took a vacation to Colombia, and generally did things that (used to) make me happy.

And still nothing. I haven't looked forward to the tomorrow in months. I feel like I'm fighting each day just to survive. And like I said, I've started to have suicidal thoughts. I know there's nothing here that anyone can say that'll magically make me feel better. But I'm desperate at this I'm point.