wish i never cried in front of allie, the day she asked me for her key back. i now know it was probably because she was planning on having another guy over later that night. she saw me at my weakest. i wasnt just crying, i was destroyed and balling my eyes out. she didnt care, she acted like she was sad but she really didnt, she had already moved on. her new guy was coming over later that day. when she left the door unlocked for me to get the rest of my shit a few weeks later, the apartment was empty. i walked into the place we used to call home and just broke down. seeing all my stuff in the corner. empty just like her cold heart. id never been that sad in my life. thinking about it just makes me want to die. i loved that girl so much. i loved her more than i moved myself and more than life itself. its been over 2 years and i still think about her daily. but i no longer express emotion physically. i get sad but i dont show it outwardly. i havent cried in over a year. i have a new girlfriend, but i would be fine if we broke up. i realize ill never love another girl how i loved allie. it makes relationships almost joke like, i gave her all my love and now i have nothing to give any of the new girls. the new girls wonder whats wrong, why i cant give them attention or love, and i just tell them i dont know. but i do know, its all thanks to allie. she changed my life. im not sure if it was for the better, but i do believe it was going to happen eventually, whether it was her or another girl. i fell hard, and idk if ill ever truly be the same person i was.