How to develop a 'doing it for me' mindset?

Plan_of_Action · 2016-03-19T15:54:36+00:00

How did I do it? I learned the hard way. I gave everything I had to someone else, completely lived for her and she shit all over me by cheating then leaving me in the dust. There was no one else left to live for and no one to give a shit about me but myself.

Then as these things go, her tattooed badboy biker Marine got tired of her shit and I got the 'apology/regret/please take me back' text.

I learned the hard way to never sacrifice my power and to live for myself. You'll either have to take the examples of others and make a consistent conscious decision to live for yourself or learn the hard way like many others by losing something. If you make the effort you'll be rewarded for it and it'll be hard to stop.

Good luck.

TheStumblingWolf · 2016-03-19T09:57:29+00:00

I'm doing very well in a lot of departments (getting my life in order after thinking it would never be possible) and such, but I have the same problem with exercise. There's no doubt that in my mind there's an equation that goes like this:

Lifting = Raises SMV = girls get interested

I really can't figure out how to get motivated lifting for myself. I don't like how I look in the mirror but apparently that's not the right motivation. Seems to me you should be motivated by how you want to look and not how you don't want to look. I just don't know how to get there.

MattyAnon · 2016-03-19T15:25:25+00:00

How do I start doing things for myself

You just do it.

I exercise so women find me attractive.

This is sort of reasonable up to a point. We all work out for the benefits we get, rarely for the workout itself. Just make sure you're doing it for YOUR results, rather than for the benefit of someone else.

I'm pursuing higher education so I can financially take care of those I care about.

This is pretty bad. Who are these people?

Whenever I'm having sex, I'm focused on making sure she has a good time.

There is a middle ground here. Make sure you have a good time first, her pleasure is secondary.

Or how can I start looking out for number one, and not feel selfish or guilty that I'm not improving for the sake of others?

You need to rid yourself of this guilt and obligation. You've been raised to be a good little slave for the benefit of others, and now feel guilty when not following that program. You are probably constrained by a need for approval.

I recommend two things: demand equality from everyone and see how nice people really are being to you (would they do you a favour as readily as you would for them? you've probably got a shock coming here).

Secondly start to court disapproval from others. See how the world doesn't fall down. See how it feels. Embrace their disapproval until you're indifferent to it.

atifhere · 2016-03-19T10:38:36+00:00

Its no harm if in the end you are getting results the same as a self-motivated person gets. But, I understand that relying too much on external validation gets you in trouble; the external world is unpredictable and can fuck you over. If you completely rely on it then you are guaranteed to be fucked over.

Sadly I don't know of any solution to become self-motivated individualist. To me it only came with experience, when I started realizing that everyone is selfish, and my acting as empathic is also a selfish survival tactic. I faced harsh experiences where I was left all alone and even the family or friends didn't care. After every such experience I have the choice to either get depressed and wait for something external to get me motivated, or I should do it for my own self. When you are disappointed with people then you'll likely choose the later one. Losing all hope was freedom

Title	How to develop a 'doing it for me' mindset?
Author	kylethewarlock
Upvotes	4
Comments	7
Date	March 19, 2016 8:18 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4b2d6u/how_to_develop_a_doing_it_for_me_mindset/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-develop-a-doing-it-for-me-mindset.162225 https://theredarchive.com/post/162225

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