How to stop explaining myself.

HS-Thompson · 2014-08-24T14:25:20+00:00

Here are two good rules of thumb for this, remember this phrase:

Don't elaborate, and don't speculate.

The first means if you have said something clearly you don't need to add extra verbiage. If she asks if you were cheating on her you can say "No" and just stop talking. If she asks you if you like her or some other insecurity test you can say "Yes I like you" and stop talking. I see a lot of advice here where people recommend wordy or too-clever ways of phrasing something when a simple yes/no or factually corect answer would suffice. Say what you mean to convey and don't elaborate. It can take practice but try to use this principle always.

The latter is even easier to get into your head. Stop talking about hypotheticals. If you're talking about what might have happened but didn't happen you're probably wasting your time. Like if someone is yelling at you because you didn't pick up the phone and says "what if I was in the hospital" you answer "but you weren't" or just refuse to engage altogether. And don't engage in speculation yourself, don't guess how you will feel in the future, don't talk about what you would do if X or Y happened, don't ramble about how things would be now if stuff had happened differently. It's a waste of time, conduct your discussions by remaining focused on things that are real and in the present.

soulmatter · 2014-08-24T14:06:38+00:00

Be noticeably Amused and Ignore is the easiest method. But some stuff needs to be addressed. For that there's:

Agree and Amplify. Basically if she says something like:

"So you're saying I'm a bitch, then."

You say back:

"You're not just a bitch, you're my bitch."

Of course, it's ALL in the execution, presentation. You need to stay above the attitude she confronts you with and learn to sense when she is attacking. Basically whenever you feel exposed. Stay calm, and amused. Don't get defensive because that will make her defensive too. Women are much more empathic than men.

Learn to say something awesome or nothing at all. Sort of like "If you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all."

uppermostless · 2014-08-24T15:04:27+00:00

If you are in a situation where you HAVE to give a justification or explanation, when in doubt, say "I was curious to see what would happen".

Title	How to stop explaining myself.
Author	balalasaurus
Upvotes	4
Comments	5
Date	August 24, 2014 1:45 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2efysh/how_to_stop_explaining_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-stop-explaining-myself.141609 https://theredarchive.com/post/141609

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